Why Most Self Help Books Suck
I was sick of reading self-help book after self-help book, only to be disappointed by the complete lack of actionable advice.
There are a few exceptions of course, but most self-help books seem to only provide the reader with the motivation to take action, but no way to actually do it.
This is why they sell of course; you read the book, feel pumped, and tell your all your friends about this amazing discovery you have made.
Unfortunately the benefits are short lived. When the initial motivation boost wains (it always does), you think over the advice you actually received and wonder what you should actually do.
This is when you realise that the book gave you little to no practical advice.
My answer to this comes in the form of my third book ‘How To Get Your Sh!t Together’ — simply put, this is the book I wish existed growing up.
It provides practical advice, tips and techniques, all designed to help move you from surviving to thriving.
The book is broken into six parts (Overcome Anxiety, Defeat Depression, Move On From Trauma, Get Organised, Find Meaning & Follow Your Dreams). Each part contains a collection of stand alone chapters, that can be read in any order.
Each chapter not only contains instructions on what you could do to solve a particular problem, but also tells you why you should take that action as well as provides specific instructions on how you can actually take action on the advice. For example:
How To Meditate
Here is how I get readers meditating right away (taken from chapter 1.9, Meditate).
1) Sit comfortably and set a timer.
- Any seated position will suffice: in a chair, cross legged, half or full lotus.
- Start with five minutes, and as you get into the habit of meditation, increase this time. I usually do 25 minutes each session, but sometimes I sit for as much as one hour.
2) Close your eyes and move your attention to the sensation of the breath entering and leaving the nose.
- Don’t attempt to change the depth or speed of your breath, just observe it.
3) When any mental phenomenon arises, gently acknowledge it and return your focus to the sensation of the breath entering and leaving the nose.
- Mental phenomena includes any thoughts, feelings, memories, sensations, moods, as well as any physical sensations that arise.
4) Continue this process of returning your focus to the sensation of the breath until the timer signals that your session has finished.
5) Repeat daily.
That’s it! Mindfulness is a seemingly simple yet deceivingly difficult process of continually returning your attention back onto the breath.
Of course I also discuss what meditation is, the short and long term benefits of meditation, as well as cover some of the more specific details of the practice.
Taking Action Now
Here is how I get readers to take action despite ever present road blocks (taken from chapter 6.2, It Is Never The Right Time).
1) Write down the smallest step that you could take today towards pursuing your goal. It does not matter how small this would be compared to actually accomplishing it.
2) Put this book down and do that smallest step.
3) Ignore the voice that is popping up telling you why you shouldn’t take this action — Where has that voice gotten you in the past?
4) Seriously, what are you waiting for? Go and do it. Right now.
5) Repeat this process daily until you have accomplished your goal.
I also discuss what the typical road blocks are, as well as ways that they can be overcome (or ignored).
Defeating Negative Self Talk
Here is how I get readers to overcome negative self-talk (taken from chapter 1.6. Defeat Negative Self Talk).
1) Take any example of negative self-talk that you are experiencing and state it.
“I am worthless.”
2) Now place the phrase “I am having the thought that” in front of your negative self-talk statement.
“I am having the thought that I am worthless.”
3) Repeat this process adding “I notice that” to the beginning of your statement.
“I notice that I am having the thought that I am worthless.”
This process can be applied to any thought that is plaguing you. Take the idea from above of a difficult break up.
“I will never find someone like them again” becomes “I am noticing that I am having the thought that I will never find someone like them again.”
Give this a try now with any thoughts that are bothering you. Notice any changes in your mental state?
I also discuss why ‘ignoring’ the negative thoughts or ‘thinking of something else’ often won’t work.
If you want to read the first chapter of How To Get Your Sh!t Together, click on the link below!
~ Zachary Phillips
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