Why Moving on and Letting Go is not Easy
It’s the most logical thing to do right? When people don’t fit in your life anymore, all you have to do is move on and let go.
Unless, you have depression. You see, depression would make it feel like you died, only it’s an everyday occurrence. You die before you sleep, you die when you wake up, you die when you hear your ex’s favorite song, you die over and over again. Only you’re still breathing, only you are still here among the living.
The thing is, you’d blame everything on yourself. Everything is your fault. You won’t see your value and if there’s a mechanical life support system connected to you, you’d pull it out with wild abandon without second thoughts.
You are deceived by your brain. You are deceived by your depression.
It is not your fault that you have depression. It’s not your fault that some people are temporary. It’s not your fault to feel pain. It’s not your fucking fault that the person you’ve loved can’t handle your sadness.
Move on. Let go.
Sounds easy right? The problem is sometimes when your heart is torn into tiny million bits, it’s never the same again. You’ll see things differently, it’s like your ability to see colors has been degraded. There’s no more gray, green is paler and black is darker.
Things aren’t the same anymore, because if they were you won’t feel the pang of remorse or dread the future without that person you called yours for so long.
So you get lost in your world of “what ifs”. Your emotions turn into poison which you happily drink from time to time, because it’s so much easier to live in the past than plan a future without your person. Admit it or not, it’s harder to plan the future because you have to leave behind the old you.
Finding Yourself among the Ruckus
Mourn. Grieve. Cry it all out. Allow yourself 5 minutes everyday to weep for what you have lost. Cry until it’s all out of your system. Cry until the colors return. Cry until you have accepted your reality.
Spend time with yourself. Watch the movies you missed, wake up early and wait for the sunrise, declutter your home, start a bonfire. Go out with friends. Hug your mom, play with your pet. Just live your life. Train your black dog to walk behind you. You only live once make it worthwhile. Make it yours. Claim your life.
Most importantly, love yourself only then can you truly find healing and forgiveness. Only then, you’d be able to let go and move on.