Why Setting Boundaries Feels Uncomfortable But Is Crucial For Mental Health
This is how I am learning, the hard way
“Unhealthy boundaries are often characterized by a weak sense of your own identity and your own feelings of disempowerment in decision making in your own life.” -Stephanie Camins, MA, LPC
I had never felt in control of my own life. In abusive environments, I learned to accommodate everyone else to barter for love, and I became stuck there when I was told that setting boundaries or claiming what was best for me was selfish.
So I sacrificed my identity and removed all boundaries, attempting to avoid rejection, abandonment, and hurtful retaliation.
Feeling responsible for meeting everyone else’s needs prompted me to discard my worth. This also landed me in a long-term abusive relationship where I appeased my ex to wicked extremes, like coddling a leech, and learned to consistently deny my own needs.
In these die-hard efforts, I completely lost my identity.
I never considered whether or not I had healthy boundaries, because I believed that kindness trumped honesty and safety. This was emotional sickness, which made me a target for more suffering, like a moth to a flame.
