Writing has the Potential to be Great or Terrible for My Mental Health
It is up to me to chose which it will be
An Introductory Personal Note
I originally started installing more writing and reading apps on my phone because I was tired of clickbait, ads cluttering an article, and popups hiding their “close” button and having me inevitably wind up on an affiliate site with more cookies on my computer leading to more ads about crap I don’t need. I wanted to spend the (rare) free time I had doing things that would be fulfilling not infuriating.
I would go on, but I am hoping you get the point because I am assuming many people have had the same experiences. Initially, I only had the intention of reading and “getting smarter about what matters to me” but, like many others, I began to take a stab at writing. Having majored in psychology and minoring in English in undergraduate and then going on to complete two Master's degrees at the same time, I have essentially been writing all of my young-adult life.
What’s different now (at least until I start a PhD program in the Fall), is that no one is making me write or telling me what to write. When I started writing for pleasure, it was simply for that — I enjoyed writing. I enjoyed the process of forming and expressing my thoughts about whatever content I was preparing.
The shocking thing, however, is how quickly the only thing I was worried about was what other people thought about my writing as though it were somehow an extension of my own self-worth. It is amazing how quickly I lost sight of what I enjoy about writing.
The Shadow Side
The purpose of most apps that we carry around in our pockets all day is to draw our attention to itself because that is how they sell ad space to companies that will pay top dollar for our phone addictions. This was evident in my own life when I began experiencing what some people call “phantom notifications” because I was checking my phone with the assurance that I had a notification telling me someone on the other end of the internet liked something I said or did only to find an empty notification bar.
It is Pavlovian through and through — we go to our phones at the sound of any tone or feel of vibration because we want to be rewarded with likes, shares, and comments. Ultimately, the only people getting a reward are the companies profiting off ad space and product placement.
When I am chasing publications or syndication placements, assuming that this is the only way to be validated as a writer, or when I am stalking my views to see how my latest article is doing, I am stepping back into the trap I had intended to escape. Being more mindful about what I “consume” on the internet was one of the main reasons to use the free, slow moments in the day to write a little or read a little was the original goal.
The other issues the begin to weigh down on my mental health is the idea that my “worth” as a writer is an extension or representation of my “worth” as a person. It is very easy for me to get swept up into this mindset because it is very easy for me to believe the lie that who I am is a 1:1 equivalent to what I do. Moreover, it is easy for me to fall into the trap of believing that I am what others think of me as. Writing with this purpose in mind will leave me more depressed than if I had never written at all.
This is not to say that I receive terrible backlash and criticism for my writing on a daily basis. This only means that, regardless of whether or not the feedback is positive or negative, I am writing for the wrong reasons and will lose sight of my main goal I have for myself when it comes to writing: enjoyment.
My intention with writing and reading more is to get rid of the mindlessness of scrolling through banal content and to spend that time engaging more with what I am passionate about. Because of my bad habits, faulty wiring, or incessant drive for recognition from others, I quickly lose sight of this and thus lose the joy. I forget my first loves: learning and writing.
The Bright Side
On the best days, writing and publishing my writing brings me great joy because I am doing something that I enjoy and that I value. If you have read something I have written before, just-so-happen to know me in real life, or — in the very unlikely case — happen to be one of my counseling clients, you know that I care and talk about values all the time. This is due in large part to my theoretical orientation in counseling aligning fairly well with Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) which places values at the center of our lives and, thus, at the core of what will help us get and remain better.
In an ACT perspective, our values are what get us through our worst times and are what we actively enjoy during our best times. Instead of focusing all of my energy on fighting or containing my intense or “less than desirable” emotional responses, I can invest some of that energy into activities that are aligned with my values. The reason I must do this is because, if I invest all of my energy in combating a “negative” emotion, I might have nothing left over for things I enjoy. While I may have decreased the “negative” emotion(s) to some degree, I may have also expended all of my available energy and we wiped out.
The alternative is to maintain a focus on what I actually do enjoy and do it for the sheer experience of enjoying it. When I do this, I actually build up energy instead of simply draining it all in a fight I will have to take up again tomorrow when depression, anxiety, and feelings of inadequacy rear its ugly head once again.
I need to write because I value it. Finding time to set aside for writing is one of the most psychologically beneficial things that I can do. Even though I may have many other demands on my schedule each day — work, errands, exercise, chores, etc. — setting aside time for something that I genuinely enjoy will actually help me complete these other tasks. When I pursue something that I enjoy, I am giving myself better “fuel in the tank” to keep up with all of my life’s demands.
Running on stress and anxiety may allow me to get everything done in short bursts but in the long run I will burn out. Unless I make time for pursuing my values, I will not be able to maintain a balance in life. Because I value writing, I need to do it to survive and survival is more important than other people to validate me.
Maintaining the Brightness
Staying focused on writing for the enjoyment of it is actually working for me — but it is rewarding work. It is rewarding for me to write for the sake of writing and not for the sake of claps and better stats. So when I actively work to push out the temptation to check my stats incessantly, the pleasure of writing presents itself. In the grandest scheme of things, the ultimate reward for my writing is a clearer mind, improved communication skills, interacting with other like-minded and like-valued people. There is not really a price I could put on that.
