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5 Evidence-Based Techniques to [begin to] Stop People Pleasing
Seeking: Validation and conditional acceptance based on most recent acts
Candidate: Expert workplace politician; never satisfied with achievements; inconsistent distribution of praise; narcissists welcome
Client [me]: Eager to please, always says yes, no boundaries
I might as well have spent my teens, 20s, and 30s carrying this farcical job description everywhere I went.
I didn’t know it, but this people-pleasing, co-dependent model underpinned nearly all of my interpersonal relationships.
I would do anything and be anything for anyone else — so long as they paid me in flattery, back pats, and shiny gold stars. Can you relate?
Does your skin crawl when you see others being kind to themselves? Does saying no induce guilt, shame and physical pain? Does the thought of a positive affirmation make you throw up a little?
If so, then read on, friend. Change is possible; it just doesn’t come easy.
What Is People Pleasing?
People pleasing can best be thought of as a constellation of behaviors intended to elicit friendliness, acceptance, validation, and connection (or to avoid rejection, disconnection, judgment). The…
