memoirs of a broken man | #25
Growing up, I was led to believe that I could grow up one day and change the world. People all around me told me that if I worked hard, I could have the power to change the world for the better. It didn’t help that every time I turn on the television or read the news, there would disasters and chaos everywhere. Needless to say, I was convinced. I took the time and effort outside of my daily schedules to learn about different social causes all around the world, trying to arm myself with the knowledge that I thought would be very useful in trying to develop my skills around in the future. This went on for many years, up till I was 19.
All this while I was working very hard to try to find ways to improve the world around me, starting with my household. I would try to educate my family on progressive perspectives and ways of life that the current generation has discovered in an attempt to improve my family through advocacy and education. This included talks about subtle and subconscious racism, consciously recycling and reducing consumption, and equality and respect for all around us regardless of age, gender, race, and sexuality. It has been tough, but the first few years yielded pretty decent results. My family was becoming more aware and conscious of wanting to improve and I was glad.
Then I moved on to trying to introduce topics of international issues such as conflicts in regions where most mainstream news channels don’t cover and encourage conversation over dinner about these topics. My desire to travel unexpectedly helped fuel this. Not only did my family want to learn more about the faraway regions I travelled to, they actively searched upon these places and as a result came across many of the issues that plague those regions that they would otherwise have no clue about. This helped my family broaden their perspectives on plenty of issues.
This proved to be the easiest. Trying to reach a larger audience is exponentially tougher. Not only do other people have their own lives to live, but they also don’t know me and can’t be bothered to change. It is tough, and change isn’t for everyone, but I’ve also come to learn that there are much deeper reasons as to why trying to advocate for social issues and the like are so difficult especially here in Singapore. Of course, I could go on all day about the different factors, but I’ll narrow it down to a few broad and prominent ones — the education system and the political culture and how it has seeped into everyday lives and shaped our beliefs and behaviour, and the influence of individualism.
It is tough, and I have been trying to find ways within the system to get to a point where I am able to be a source of change for many people and hopefully improve the world around me. I was angry and frustrated at how I couldn’t do what I wanted and needed to do for the better of the world, and that there were so many obstacles in my path that it was so much easier to simply give up and just go with the flow just like everyone else. I gradually realised that there are so many other things that people are more immediately concerned about, like money, power, reputation, security, and comfort, to be concerned about trying to change the world.
Perhaps they were once like me too, trying to change the world only to succumb to the forces of our system and be reduced to just a working bee. Perhaps not everyone is built the same way and some people don’t have the initiative blood in them and just need someone willing to push through and be the leading figure for them to follow. Perhaps I’ve been naïve to think that I could change the world.
The doubts started creeping in and soon enough, the fire that lit within me died out. I no longer had the strength and energy to fight anymore and decided that people are not going to change and that we as a species are innately selfish and short-sighted, often blinded by instant gratification and missing the bigger picture. Maybe I’m just jaded from all this, but I’ve come to a conclusion that my life is too short to be wasted on trying to fight to change something that cannot be changed. And so I shall just mind my own business and move along, basking in my own inconsequential life in this world filled with broken dreams and aspirations until my time runs out.
#25 — la vie est simple mais c’est le monde qui la complique.
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