of concrete answers | #19
I remember the days when I would refuse to take a stand. The days where I would seek out opinions from everyone around me without ever stating mine. It was how I formed my impressions of people. Everyone is a mosaic of their opinions and that was how I saw them.
I guess all I wanted was to gather and find concrete answers to questions I had no answers to without exposing myself. I am innately curious and drawn to the unknown, having the strong urge to learn and seek the answers to them. However, I was also incredibly narcissistic. I desperately tried to hide my flaws and only wanted to show whatever I wanted others to know. I had to be perfect.
My deep mistrust for people around me manifested in my behaviour and habits, which made me come across as aloof and mysterious to many people. People knew next to nothing about me while I knew just about everything I needed to manipulate them. It was sickening.
That was years ago. That was the old me. I’ve since changed my habits and behaviour and have tried adopting a more compassionate approach towards people in general. I still have trouble trusting others entirely and I definitely am far from being able to be fully vulnerable around others but I believe I’ve taken steps in the right direction since then and I guess I’m proud of that. I’m still the same curious person I once was, if not more, and my fascination with people, society and culture have only grown since.
I don’t know if I’m closer to the answers I’m looking for, but what I do know is that the journey for these answers has opened the paths to understanding myself and my growth over the past few years.
#19— ç’est un nouveau chapitre.
