IA1: FACILITATED CONVERSATION
I’ve only lived at the Upham house for two months, yet when I’m out for the evening and ready to turn in for the night I say, “I’m going home.” No talk of heading back to the house, or going to bed, just going home. Something about this house invites it’s residents to claim it as more. So when I heard the theme for this issue, I knew that my roommates would be the perfect people to ask, “what is home?” A date was set for a potluck and discussion. Six out of nine roommates and four close friends took part in the conversation.
A COMMUNITY
Rory:
The environment here promotes people having internal drive in the sense that you can be confident here in making a contribution and it’s not out of the ordinary you see a lot of other contributions which gives you this internal motivation, where it’s not necessarily someone else saying “hey, step up your game” it’s wow this is just a really inspiring community and people are doing stuff and now I feel motivated from within to contribute as well.
Tessa:
Yeah, this home is a community. Like — that’s why it’s so much different than — like — a family or housemates, I think that’s a really good way to describe it.
Hannah:
Yeah, I think of how resistant I was to contributing when I was growing up, like doing chores and whatnot and it was always with the idea that this is my home, I should be able to do anything I want to and I don’t want to that, I don’t want to have to clean. So it’s cool coming to an idea of home that includes wanting to do some of the things I don’t want to do just because it feels good to be a part of my community. I feel like my mom would have appreciated me coming to that a long time ago.
DEFINED SPACE
Diana:
My mom actually moved from the house that I grew up in and moved to a new house, but she set it up exactly like the old house was. Same furniture, same everything everywhere — place mats, rugs. It’s a very different house, but just because she created the same atmosphere, I feel so completely comfortable there.
She also adamantly claimed a bedroom for me to have. Even though I only spend a couple of weeks a year there so far. I have a bedroom and she wanted me to decorate it the way I wanted it and I was kind of like “you know, this can be the guest room. I don’t really care how it looks.” But she really wanted to feel like it was my house also and for me to feel like that, yeah, my home also. And now I really do and I really like that and appreciate that I have my own space.
I end up retreating into it when I’m there which is great because I like the freedom to retreat, as Rory knows. We’ve had this conversation before. I guess that’s part of what home means to me: the freedom to retreat and not be judged for it. at least that’s part of it, definitely not all of it.
Tessa:
Home is definitely a defining factor of who you are like what type of house you grew up in and then now in college when you live with so many different people it’s like so different like depending on the people you live with your social scene becomes so different or just like what you do on the daily changes a lot. So it’s interesting saying your mom is defined by her home and she wanted to replicate it and keep it the same even though she was moving. I totally do that with my room actually. I’ve had the same decorations! I’m just realizing this!
Diana:
I’ve noticed this. I can find your space really easily, because it looks exactly like it always does.
Tessa:
I’ve had the same posters since sophomore year and it feels comfortable.
REFLECTION OF CONTRIBUTIONS
Rory:
I think this house reflects the community of people who have come through this place. In that, the artwork and the features are very eclectic and you can tell that it’s come from many different people and perspectives and that’s a comment that I get a lot, “who does all of the art in here?”. I don’t have a quick answer other than “everyone.”
Diana planted the garden in the front and Kim is the one who’s the most excited about the chickens and it makes sense that she contributed by painting the coop really awesomely.
Kenta:
So why do you call it the DIY house?
Hannah:
I think I’m the only one who calls it that. [laughter]
It’s because everybody does stuff. The chicken coup was built. Gabe’s building his room in the shed right now. Kim built her bike today.
Tessa:
When I moved into my room I had the freedom
Rory:
[Even if] not everyone has made, necessarily, a direct contribution that will be this lasting thing (like a garden or a painting) while a person is living here they’re making a contribution to the environment and the mood and the community itself.
OWNERSHIP AND INVESTMENT
Rory:
I think two very big factors to turning a house into a home, or a space into a home, or a city into a home, are taking ownership in that place and investing in it. Weather that investment is toward social systems that work for you and your roommates or toward open door policies and opening vestments in a garden or cool furniture or putting in the time to paint something for the house. I think the investment and the ownership that comes with that is very important for me. Which is why I’ve become very attached to this house and to San Luis Obispo, because I’ve invested a lot of time in building my network and my community here, as well as building that community and social structures and the built environment of this house.
WELCOMING
Rory:
For the longest time it was just guys. […] Then kim started moving in.
Kim:
Because my housing fell through…
Tessa:
That’s sort of like my housing, it in a way fell through…
Hannah:
Right, our housing fell through!
Tessa:
Wait but that’s the wrong impression, because I’m stoked to be here!
[laughter]
Kenta:
It’s the house that people go to when their housing falls through, I got it.
Kim:
No! We’re so welcoming, we won’t turn you down!
HARMONY
Sam:
The place where I can easily offer the most help is what I define as a place that is homey. But never necessarily a home because home also has a bed. So I can feel at home but it’s not the space I designate as home. It’s two different ways of being. One is the place where I feel like I am truly fulfilled and the other one is the actual place where I can rest my body. It’s like mind, body, and spirit. One’s for the body the other is for the mind and the spirit.
Kenta:
Do you feel like there’s a place that converges?
Sam:
Oh definitely, that’s working on harmony. Harmony between my five different essences. But I think that’s what I strive for and respecting space. In a big way maintaining that harmony is understanding how open people are within that space. So right now I’m entering an open space because I’m not a part of it. I’m sitting on their couches, but I’m not really entered into their home. I’m always a guest. But it’s like respecting that, I can still feel at home but that’s just internal.
For me to get harmony between mind body spirit and my other essences then the other person needs to have that other connection, that openness. Which is where you get the true harmony.
Home for my body is only a bed. I’ve had my home be on the street before on a couch, many different places but it’s all just resting and just understanding that my body as it is needs energy and needs recuperation and it needs to be flowing at an optimum with sleep. So that’s only for my physical body.
But the my mind, my spirit, my other essences, they have different yearnings, different ways of pulling out other homes. I think spirit’s is connection. Definitely having other people with open lock keys and fitting in and having other people with a skeleton key on their spirit just allowing it to connect with anybody. Or almost a skeleton key just allowing spirit to connect with most people. It really is enriching for my spirit. Mind and intellect, I don’t really know.
Originally published in Issue One: ON HOME
facilitation + photos by kenta thomas naoi
