What am I looking for?

A poem written in depression

Photo by Ben Blennerhassett on Unsplash

My housewarming party
What I am looking for?

When my friends are drinking and dancing
And I’m sitting there even though I’m smiling
They ask me, Pretty: why do you look sad?
I don’t even know if I’m sad or just plain. blank.
What am I looking for?

Everyplace I go, the horizon at the sea or the peak of a mountain
Or when I’m just chilling in my den
Staring into the silence.
What am I looking for?

Is knowing too much a bane?
Isn’t a foolish person happier?

It’s funny, isn’t it? Or just an irony?
That as I write this sitting on the chair in my room
After that house party, my housewarming party
I stare blankly at this wall and the wall stares blankly at me
And then we are a perfect company!