I’m Angry Because the Pandemic Isn’t Taken Seriously Anymore

Shôn Ellerton, February 17, 2022
People not wearing their masks, anti-vaxxers and science-deniers are getting us killed.

There’s this really annoying person, you know, on Facebook, Twitter and stuff? He, like, posts shit about COVID and stuff; like, how it’s all going away and we’re going to get back to normal again and by July, it will all be gone? Such a jerk. He talks about something called heterodox thinking like he can impress me with big words? Yeah, right. I don’t know what he’s talking about, but he obviously doesn’t like gay people. I mean heterodox? What about homodox thinking? He’s being exclusionary and, therefore, should be cancelled off social media right now.

He keeps going on about how masks don’t work and how vaccine mandates create problems and other things as well I don’t like, and this makes me so angry. People are dying all over the place because of this pandemic. I heard the other day that 18 people died in New South Wales yesterday. I tell you. This dying’s got to stop, and everybody should be really vigilant against this extremely nasty virus until we have zero deaths for at least, I don’t know, ten months? And get this. He says he’s been vaxxed and supports what those truckers are doing in Canada? What is his major problem? He should be thinking like the vast majority of us. The unvaccinated are selfish, self-serving, narcissistic (don’t really know what that means), Trump-loving, basically horrible people. Oh yeah. They’re all racist as well. Well, except for those people of colour that are in the protests, and why is that? I’m sure they were paid to be there to make it look like they’re not racists. Seriously, they should all be rounded up and put in a camp, because they’re endangering our society. If everyone vaccinated, the pandemic would have ended ages ago. In fact, it would never have started if everyone was vaccinated first!

And of those selfish truckers in Canada? They want to do it in other countries as well. I hope they get the military out and round them all up and give them all big jail time! Because we don’t need them. There are plenty of other truckers around who follow the science and take orders without question. If those dirty unvaccinated lot want to protest, they can do it in the middle of a desert so that they don’t endanger the public. I want my freedom they say! How about my freedom to be free of having to bump into some idiot who want their freedom of being free of tyranny? They don’t know what tyranny is. I’ll look up the word later. And anyways. Arnold Schwarzenegger is now my all-time hero because he tweeted something that said, ‘Screw your freedom!’, to anti-maskers and those who don’t like lockdowns. I mean. Celebrities have it tough because they have to work extra hard to make people like them. They don’t even need the police because they are really confident and well-liked.

And as for masks, this guy gets so irritating. Did you know that masks have been 100% effective in hiding facial expressions? And that means a lot because if viruses are really small and you can’t see anyone’s mouth, that means you can’t see through a mask and that of course means, like, the virus can’t get through. Science 101! Everyone needs to wear a mask. Always. Well, nearly always. I’m the proud owner of 134 personal pairs of masks, all customised to suit my behaviour, which, for most of the time, is angry and virtuous. Sometimes, both at the same time! I also bought 600,000 normal masks as soon as the pandemic started because I’ve been selling them on eBay and, as we all know, it’s really important to support big businesses like eBay and Amazon. And selling at really high prices helps them to flourish, which, in turn, means getting stuff for all of us more cheaply through Amazon and eBay when we’re at home, which is far safer than going out to the shops.

Now let me backtrack a bit. I think it’s perfectly okay to wear a mask when you’re talking to someone and can’t be understood. The virus respects this moment as it does when it’s time to eat and drink. Because the virus has to be fed as well. The virus is a simple organism and cannot multitask like us. So, when you’re finished eating and drinking and sit in a chair away from other people, this is the moment when you especially need to wear your mask.

As for wearing a mask in a car, I do this because I want to show the world out there that I am a very safe driver and follow the rules. OK, it’s not a public indoor space but you have to go that extra mile to be truly virtuous. I don’t want to be condescending and all, but if that’s what it takes, I’ll wear a mask on the beach to prove it. Moreover, anyone walking by me without a mask on, I feel it entirely appropriate to look in that person’s direction and point to my mask. And what’s this stuff about proving mask wearing to be nonsense when kids don’t have to wear them? Let me tell you now. The virus doesn’t identify itself with children, which therefore means, that children don’t really need to wear a mask. Unless they’re in school because a school is a place of learning and children are much more susceptible to the virus when they are concentrating on schoolwork, even if it’s the not-so-important subjects like science, maths, and English.

Now, we’ve got all these other countries like England, Norway, Sweden (bloody Sweden again killing everyone!), and most of the United States relaxing the wearing of masks? That’s why everyone in the state of Florida is dead. Have you ever seen live coverage of Florida on such favourite trusty news channels like CNN and MSNBC? Of course not. Fox News makes it up using coverage from before the pandemic. Florida is literally crawling with dead people now thanks to Dr Death De Santis. As is Sweden, who now say that the pandemic is over. Yeah, yeah. We believe you. Not! I’m even disappointed in Austria who’s thinking of relaxing its vaccine mandates. They had the right idea. Keep all the filth at home and only allow them to come out in hazmat suits, until they are vaxxed. And if they’re caught, give ’em a big fine and jail time if they don’t pay up. Perhaps they should have thought twice before not vaccinating. Where there are actions, there are consequences.

It’s falling apart now and too many COVID-idiots are ignoring how dangerous the virus is. Even many governments are not taking it seriously enough anymore and this makes me feel very unsafe. The government should mandate that every business forces their workers to be mandated but some aren’t doing that which is crazy. This means really responsible businesses need to go further and prove how safe they are by forcing their workers to be mandated. They shouldn’t even allow their workers to work from home or remotely without being vaccinated because if they do, they’re not sending the right message to those who’ve made the sacrifice, which isn’t a lot to ask for. And then you have those dorks who will only wait for these so-called protein vaccines to be available, which is so old-fashioned and probably don’t work. They also don’t want to support big trustworthy names like Pfizer but guess what. What computer system are they running? Yep. Microsoft. So, they’re bigots.

And then you’ve got the health brigade telling us that being fit and healthy helps us from the virus, like that idiot, Joe Rogan. Being fit and healthy means that you have to go outside which means having to cross the street or drive your car to get somewhere. At least we can all agree that car accidents are responsible for more deaths than COVID, and that’s saying something. I couldn’t possibly imagine anything worse than being killed by a car and then finding out after, that I had COVID as well. Because if I had COVID, the car wouldn’t have killed me. And then I got really upset when there was a report about obese people getting killed by the virus more than, not obese people. First, they shouldn’t be finger-pointing to size-challenged people because that’s just wrong, and second, it’s far more difficult for a heavier person to run away from a virus. It’s atrociously irresponsible to mention that obese people are more liable to be hospitalised because this means that the more weight you lose, the safer you are, and I can one-hundred percent guarantee that if you didn’t eat for a year, you would die anyway. The statistics don’t lie. Remember, follow the science.

The worst thing now is that countries are opening up for travel which means that selfish COVID-idiots will be in force flying in death tubes saturated with contagious diseases. Then they claim it’s because they want to visit family and friends which is a real bad excuse because it’s so much more cool to use Zoom because it’s kind of like talking to the Brady Bunch or the Muppets and, bonus of bonuses, I can sit there feeling safe that I don’t have to leave the house while sitting in my underwear. States like Western Australia had the right idea until they started letting planes and trucks into it. As for supplies, they’re enough kangaroos and camels to survive on if a food shortage occurs. If Western Australia had the foresight to predict the pandemic, they would have done a deal with former East Germany to buy the wall but flip it around when they assemble it so that the wall faces away from Western Australia to stop the diseased from entering it. The RSPCA would have approved as well because they had an awful lot of German shepherd dogs which needed a good home. Western Australia are also blessed with a lot of places which would make good detention camps for bad people, which would make the Russians like us. Places like Lake Disappointment and Useless Loop spring to mind. And yes, I looked them up on the map!

Then there’s all this fuss about lockdowns and to make it worse, this John Hopkins outfit completely turned anti-science and released a report last month saying that lockdowns weren’t effective. That’s so untrue because less people got killed on the road and the skies started to clear up in really polluted places like Beijing. Nobody really needs to leave the house because everything can be delivered to you. Emergency services and delivery people should, of course, be allowed to leave the house but only in a fully armoured bright-yellow hazmat suit. However, politicians and celebrities should be allowed to leave the house because they have very difficult jobs to make sure everybody else is listening to them, and that is why they especially need to find extra-marital time to relax with special liaisons, if you know what I mean. They don’t need to wear hazmat suits because it would spoil their image if they did and we all know that looking one’s best is very important in the public eye. Which is how Justin Trudeau got to where he is.

Now how do I sell all those hundreds of thousands of masks?

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