Your Self-Doubts Are Never Going Away — And That’s Okay
Confronting the tyrannical inner “no” head-on
Decades ago, I enrolled in a course on instructional leadership that was offered at work to anyone interested in joining the agency’s roster of in-house instructors.
I wanted this, badly. My regular professional duties were stifling and I hoped this opportunity to share my expertise would break up my routine and raise my profile.
But powerful forces interfered.
When it was my turn to deliver a practice lecture — videotaped by the instructor in front of a roomful of others taking the training — my senses went into overdrive.
My heart raced and I struggled to catch my breath. As the camera rolled, my voice quavered and rasped. I could barely keep my thoughts in order.
I was on the verge of losing control over my body and my intellect, fighting my way through every second until, finally, the ordeal ended.
As you might guess, I experienced a low-level panic attack compounded by a crisis of confidence.
More episodes like this followed over the years. I struggled to understand my split personality: confident in my raw ability to do “gold star” work on the one hand, and totally incapable of projecting…
