Author Interviews: Steven Steinberg

Today we want you to meet one of Blooming Twig’s authors, Steven Steinberg. Just in time for the Valentine’s Day, he told us about his work, inspiration, and the power of Love.

What inspires you as an author?

My readers. If I do my job I can help them change their lives. I inspire my readers to unleash the power of purpose so they can overcome challenges, improve service and productivity, and achieve more happiness at work and at home. The power of your purpose overrides the pain of problems and heals you. Healing from life’s challenges leads to happiness.

Have you ever experienced a creative block, and how did you overcome it?

I experienced procrastination more than a creative block. There was always something else I could do and I did that rather than write. I was lucky that my wife was able to work out of town at a satellite office for several months. I went with her. Every day she went off and put in eight hours of work. That left me alone in our hotel room with nothing but my computer, a few boxes with notes, and a few reference books. I had nothing to do but write my book.

Now I’m not saying that you have to go out of town to break the block. But changing your location to a library or a coffee shop might be sufficient to break the block. Another technique that I use is meditating on the writing that I plan to do that day. I ask God to send me messengers with the message about which I will write that day.

What is the most important message you are trying to get out there through your books?

When facing life’s challenges, when asking the question, “Why me?” There are basically two answers. Never answer, “Because ______.” That blank is filled with blame. Blame turns you into a victim. A victim focuses on blame, but a victor focuses on responsibility. Therefore, choose to focus on responsibility. A victim focuses on the past while a victor focuses on the future. Therefore, choose to focus on the future. A victim focuses on problems while a victor focuses on solutions. Therefore, choose to focus on solutions.

While the victim gives the first, ordinary response to “Why me?” by saying, “Because______,” the victor gives the second, extraordinary response to the question, “Why me?” “So That___!” The victor, hopefully you, fills that blank with your purpose. You fill it with some unique value that only you add to the world.

In life you choose to focus on problems or purpose — on being a victim or a victor. Focusing on problems leads to pain and suffering, and you become a victim. However, when you focus on purpose, then the power of purpose overrides the pain of problems! The healing power of your purpose — your “So That___!” — overrides the pain of problems and heals you, leading to happiness.

In your book, Light, Love, Life, Shalom: Your Path to Happiness at Work and at Home, you write about the healing power of values. Since Valentine’s Day is just around the corner, can you talk a little about the power of Love? Why is it so important?

Love is so important because it is our general human purpose. But we must be careful when we use the term love. There are two types of love. There is love the feeling, the emotion, and there is love the value, the verb — to love, to serve. The best definition of love that I have heard was from M. Scott Peck in his classic work, A Road Less Traveled. He defines love thus: “Love is the will to extend oneself for the purpose of nurturing your own or another’s spiritual growth.”

Let’s break that definition into its parts.

Love is the will — in other words, love is a choice (will). One chooses to love. One decides to value another person and serves him or her. By this definition falling in love is a misnomer. Falling in love is not a choice you make; it is a feeling that you have. We’re not talking about feelings and the heart here. We’re talking about thinking, and then serving, taking action.

To extend one’s self-love is difficult. Love is risky. When you love someone, you risk not being loved back. Serving people is hard work.

For the purpose of nurturing your own, one must begin with self-love. As the Jewish sage Hillel stated 2000 years ago, “If I am not for myself who will be for me? If I am only for myself what am I? And if not now when?”

Or another’s — to love another is to serve another.

Spiritual growth — the purpose of choosing to extend oneself, to serve another, is for both of you to grow spiritually. The mother who says, “I love my son too much to let him go away for college,” is in reality being narcissistic. If she truly loved her son, she would extend herself and do the painful work of serving him by letting him go and grow spiritually by learning independence. At the same time, she would grow spiritually and be less self-centered. By focusing on purpose, we emphasize love the verb, love the value versus love the feeling. The purpose of loving another, of serving another, is related to spirituality. Spirituality is the awareness of a higher dimension. Spirituality is the notion that there is a metaphysical realm. Spirituality is the ability to connect to the Power and Loving Greater Than Ourselves, to God.

How do you take critique of your own work?

Critique of my work is a challenge. To paraphrase Robert Kiyosaki, in life we either “Win or we…learn.” If we learn, we almost never lose. By getting feedback, especially negative feedback, I can learn how to do a better job next time. Learning what I did wrong, therefore, can be a very positive experience. As I pointed out earlier, there are two responses to challenges. We can blame (win-lose) or we can act responsibly (win-learn). When we suffer it is far easier to blame than to take responsibility and solve our problems. But if we act responsibly by thinking and acting on purpose, using the power of purpose to overcome the pain of problems, we can be happy. Accepting a critique can lead to happiness. We can be happy while receiving criticism.

Who are your work’s main supporters?

People and organizations that are facing challenges. Parkinson’s groups.

Are there any writers who influenced your work, and in what way?

Stephan Covey, author of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. He is the source of much of my thinking on paradigms and on interpersonal relationships.

Victor Frankl, author of Man’s Search for Meaning, who is a psychiatrist who survived the Holocaust and created a new method of psychiatry, which he called logotherapy (logos = meaning). From Frankl I learned about finding purpose and meaning in any situation. To paraphrase Frankl, “You are not free to choose your conditions, but you are entirely free to choose your response to those conditions.”

Rabbi Jonathan Sacks, author of many volumes. This is my go-to author for Jewish material.

Do you think having a mentor or someone to look up to is important when writing your first book?

I think it is very important to have a mentor or someone to look up to when writing your first book. I was lucky enough to be in the National Speakers Association and connected with several published authors who were tremendously helpful in a number of different ways. At one of the national conventions, I met Kent. If it was not for him, I would never have finished my book, nor would it have been of the quality that I believe I achieved.

Do you have any other advice for new writers?

Write, write, write!

Work from an outline. An outline helps keep you organized, focused, and on purpose. In addition, you can work on a chapter out of order. This can help writers’ block because you can choose to work on whatever chapter for which you happen to be in the mood.

And the last one: What is your definition of happiness?

Happiness is one of the most distinguishing features of the human being. While animals experience only pleasure and pain, for human beings there is meaning, value, and purpose as well.

Happiness is the joyful actualization of your meaning and purpose. Happiness is thus the combination of both the physical and spiritual worlds. There is a material, physical, pleasure, and pain aspect — joy. There is also a spiritual, values, meaning, and purpose aspect — inner peace. The path to the achievement of happiness is your real path to human success. Everybody wants to achieve happiness and that state of inner peace, but people don’t know how to attain it. With our modern emphasis on materialism, we lack training in spirituality. With training in spirituality, people will begin to understand that there is an important difference between happy and happiness.

Happy is what you choose to be.

Happiness is what you choose to become.

We are not only human beings, but we are also “human becomings.” Our mission is to be happy while becoming someone who achieves happiness. Happy is often used to describe a feeling. However, here we are not talking about feelings. We’re talking about a state of being. Happy is a state of being that is the result of a decision you make from the inside, regardless of conditions on the outside. You have a purpose — a reason to be happy. Because you are thinking and acting on your purpose, on your path to happiness, you can choose to be happy. So at any moment, regardless of what your conditions are, you can choose to be happy. Happiness, however, is what you choose to become. Happiness is achieving the joyful actualization of your meaning and purpose. It is aligning choices in your life with your deepest, timeless values. Happiness is thus a process of becoming; it is a practice, and it is a journey — it is Your Path to Happiness.

Being happy is a choice we make at any moment, and being happy requires thinking on purpose. Happiness, because it entails joyful actualization, requires some actual results. Happiness requires both thinking and acting on purpose. You can use thinking alone and be happy. You cannot use thinking alone and have happiness. Happiness is a long-term process; it’s a future that you choose. Happy is a state of being that you choose to have in any moment. Our mission is to be happy at every moment while becoming someone who achieves happiness in the long run.