How to Recover from Failures
Failure is the raw ingredient for success if you know how to grow from it. Here are 3 of the most powerful ways.
Finances are tough. Work is challenging. Interpersonal relationships are complex. Almost everything in life is at least partially unpredictable, and so you are bound to take a wrong turn somewhere along the way.
Maybe you’ve made poor financial decisions, or maybe you feel like you weren’t ready for a critical meeting at work, or maybe you just feel like you haven’t been using your time very well.
In my experience, there are three key ways to deal with, and become stronger from, failures to achieve greater success and internal freedom in the future.
Let’s start by talking about what you shouldn’t do.
Our first instinct is often to continue dwelling on our past mistakes, but this is not very productive, and it often gives rise to a negative spiral. The fact that you made a mistake seems to invalidate any efforts you could make in the present. This comes from an “all-or-nothing” mindset: if your initial goal seems no longer possible, it’s easy to lose motivation.
You might think, “I already blew this month’s shopping budget on that sweet jacket, and it’s only the 20th. Why bother trying to save money?”
But because life isn’t all-or-nothing, having $500 to put into investments at the end of the month is still better than $200, which is better than nothing. So, don’t give up even if it’s no longer possible to hit your initial goal.
So, what are productive ways to handle failure?
I’ve got three for you.
First, channel your regrets into a desire for growth. View regret as a signal that something needs change for the better, and use those feelings as energy to bring about those changes.
Continual progress and improvement, rather than perfection, should be your goal. If you did an only adequate job at work this quarter, then prove to yourself that you can outperform next quarter.
Second, it’s also important to approach yourself with an attitude of self-forgiveness. Consider how you might help another person — a friend or family member — improve. For the most part, harsh criticism and punishment are not good strategies for changing behavior.
Harsh criticism generally leads to an avoidance of any risk-taking that could lead to thriving and greater success, simply because there’s also fear of further criticism in case of failure. By contrast, encouragement and reward have proven to be much more effective motivators in the long run. They tend to lead to an embrace of challenge, which in itself leads to growth.
The same principles of motivation can be applied to yourself. Listen to how you talk to yourself. Do you criticize yourself for everything you do? Do you call yourself lazy or stupid? Or do you encourage yourself to learn from your mistakes and continue improving?
If you adopt an attitude of self-forgiveness, you’ll be in a much better position to move forward and not repeat your mistakes. Tell yourself with genuine compassion that it’s okay that you’ve made a mistake, and then ask yourself what you can do moving forward to avoid it in the future.
And finally, realize that there is absolutely nothing preventing you from starting fresh right now.
So what if you’ve been watching useless YouTube videos for the last 2 hours? There’s no reason why you can’t put down your phone or close your browser window, and start being productive, now. This is 100% a decision for you to make.
Or, the next time a tough conversation with your friends, significant other, or family goes off the rails, there’s no reason why you can’t take a deep breath and start working towards mutual understanding.
The way your life unfolds, from this moment forward, will be the product of your choices. You get to decide in each moment how you’ll proceed. Social media doesn’t get to decide. Other people don’t get to decide. And most importantly, the past doesn’t get to decide.
Right now, I want you to embrace that sense of self-forgiveness and freedom to choose what’s next. How do you want to be better? What will you do next?
