One Easy Certifiable Way to Keep Male Perverts out of Public Restrooms

While showering, I remembered a conversation a year ago with another Medium user who thought he was being really really clever.

As you may have guessed from the title, it was trans-panic couched as concern over potential “male predators” using new policies and regulations protecting trans* people to gain access to women’s spaces, namely public restrooms and locker rooms.

Well, this guy said, “What is there to keep me from walking into a Planet Fitness in jeans and a white T-shirt, walk up to the counter, and say ‘I identify as a woman. Grant me access to the women’s locker room’?” I told him that there were laws to protect people from voyeurism and molestation in the public restrooms. He kept on pressing. Without any law specifically banning him from entering a room with a plastic placard designating it for women, he would be too tempted to resist invading these public spaces to “sneak a peek.”

It was a stupid argument, but I still humoured him. That was a mistake. Lots of people, unfortunately, fall for this not so subtle trick. “Hey, I’m a man. And I’m here to tell you that men are rapacious monsters, who will rape you as soon as look at you.” That was a bit hyperbolic but not so different from what men have told me, men who use their REAL names and photographs. They think they are warning others, especially women, of the dangers of “men invading public restrooms.” All they have really done was out themselves as potential sex predators.

This brings me to the certifiable way to keep male perverts out of public restrooms. It is dead simple, and I think you know what it is. I am sure you know of the idiom criminals want to be caught. That is not true in most circumstances, but fret not. Truly disgusting human-beings will reveal themselves in time as they grow more arrogant and confident. They even give indirect clues as to their true nature. Converse with them over touchy subjects like “feminism” or “trans rights,” and they will eventually let something slip.

We cannot afford to take the risks with these people or handle them with kid gloves when they decide to drop hints as to their depravity. Men who use the “I would identify as a female to gain access to women” argument as a response to trans* friendly policies and laws should be treated like potential sex offenders. These men are basically broadcasting their own licentiousness and are actively warning the rest of us what they are capable of.

You may ask, “Are they not being hypothetical? They could not possibly be serious.” That is possible. It is still bizarre to include oneself in what most would think as immediate self-incrimination. It is a rather egregious misdirection which should be thrown back in the claimant’s face with extreme prejudice. Such a rebuttal acts as a deterrent to others who would make such a poor transphobic argument, and it puts the claimant on the spot.

“What is there to keep me from walking into a Planet Fitness in jeans and a white T-shirt, walk up to the counter, and say ‘I identify as a woman. Grant me access to the women’s locker room’?”

“No worries friend. There is no need for potentially transphobic legislation. Just warn your local Planet Fitness of your plans or turn yourself in. Since you so generously provided your own personal info to the public, I will be happy to do this for you to save you from yourself. And thank you for telling me you think about committing sexual offenses towards women. I will be sure to spread the word around. Be sure to stop blaming trans* women for your condition and seek help immediately.”

There! This response will do. If you encountered other men making the same terrible argument, throw it right back in their faces using the above paragraph as an example. I know I will from now on.

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