I Clocked 85,000 Steps But My Body Looks the Same

Sweat, muscle aches, and tears didn’t transform my physique

Sarah Paris
it’s just foam

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A female athlete takes a running stance
I. Am. A. Fierce. Warrior. Photo by Ryan McGuire/Pixabay.

I am riddled with flaws. Emotionally, mentally, physically, and spiritually, my flaws are legion.

From personality quirks to emotional walls to my melon-sized head — or so Mike Myers’ grandpa character in So I Married An Axe Murderer might declare — I know and own my flaws and make no excuses for them. For all of the physical scars and weirdness I possess, though, physical fitness has never been an issue for me.

I won’t talk about the traumatizing 15 lbs I packed on after a year of living off of quiche, Nasi goreng, and pancakes for dinner in the Netherlands, either. Besides that excess weight was an anomaly.

A childhood full of sports and a passion for skiing, snowboarding, and rock climbing kept me toned through my thirties. Yet I haven’t participated in any of the aforementioned since maintaining the soaring costs to do so would force me to sell a kidney on the black market. However, from April–early November, I kayak, trail run, and hike almost daily. Until recent years, this has made up for my winters of sickness and multitude of naps, and has kept my body quasi-firm and healthy.

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Sarah Paris
it’s just foam

Author of Signs My Toddler Has a Drinking Problem (humor collection).Freelance writer of all things. Looper features writer. Believer. Adventurer. Semi- funny.