I Really Should Do Something About This Mustache

But I’ve grown attached to the thing

Image by Ryan McGuire from Pixabay

My mustache is getting out of control.

I’ve told this joke before, but I think it’s worth telling again. Mostly because people didn’t react to the anecdote with gut-splitting laughter the first time, so being the wise humorist I am, I’m going to try to tell it again and see if I can get a few laughs the second time around.

I know, in my heart, I need to wax the thing.

I should maybe do that turmeric paste method where you make a thick goo of turmeric and some other ingredient that I can’t remember at the moment and then slather it on your face, wait a while, then rub the tiny hairs right out of your skin.

The process seems dubious, at best.

I’m scared of the turmeric method because despite how many times I ask Google, “But will the turmeric stain my upper lip yellow?” I still do not believe the various answers that it won’t.

What then? I have a yellow upper lip with dark black hairs shooting out from it. I’ll be a damn monster. Well, more of a monster than I am already.

I’m scared to wax it because — pain. But I’m also scared not to wax it because I look more and more like Dan the Man every day. Dan the Man is my father. And…