A Brief Tangent — Then 1 High School and College Memory
More to write now.
This I don’t know if I have the ability to work on. Mentally I feel completely overwhelmed for different reasons. So the biggest one is seeing generationally what “I” mean. You know that I saw pictures of the family of Diana Ross and Donna Summer. They are a White family line at this point because biracial people, it would seem, tend to marry White. People don’t ever talk about this, but it is an observation I have. Sure there is a Barack Obama but even his connection to Michelle Obama seems kind of a more rare occurrence.
Not to mention that I noted two (famous) Black women here, but actually it is happening with Black men more given the higher interracial marriage statistics. (Also Rest in Peace Donna Summer.)
(If I ever want to), I would like to have a “Black” legacy to be honest and don’t care what others do including family members. “Black” meaning the current definition but that, like “White” it’s not the real or right terminology for me or others. Only within the matrix.
Also though, I am 36 going on 37. And it becomes difficult to have a kid as you get older for women (and men actually too, though not as severely I think). Not to mention that my life isn’t really where I want it to be as of yet. And I don’t even know if I’d want to exact my body to that. I like the way I look. I don’t care to change that. Or the sad dangers Black women face with childbirth.
Also I am aware of real reasons Black women will marry interracially. I’m not lost on things. Another article another day.
Just seeing the imagery though, imagine in two generations, being like a minority in your family. And your story, already marginalized, becomes further marginalized with the existence of people who belong more to the world that has permission to oppress you. You become the Black person they are related to. It is really like a horror story.
That is painful for me to think of. You know. Some do not see it this way. And it is strange how I think I can myself from another person’s trajectory or desires. For them, it would be fine I guess. For me it would literally be the death of me. Not to mention also the bicultural story as well. An appreciate for being Nigerian too that is just beginning to take root.
White supremacy is worse for us than a mixed person I feel because one is visibly and culturally more integrated into society, though sometimes tragic I guess. Still, part White isn’t Nigerian or another African identity that is even still outside of Black American identity, which actually, due to the one drop rule, includes mixed-race people and actually often pedastalizes them. And society often also places them above Black.
(Though there are plenty of poor mixed people you know but there are also plenty of poor White people. So that is bigger than the point.)
The second isolation and abandonment I feel is knowing that many Black women and men like to live vicariously though women and maybe men too I don’t know, with this identity.
So it is knowing my value is even less or an expectation for less from others, Black, White, whomever. To the point people respond defensively when I stand up for myself, or are surprised when I am more than who or what they think I am.
So someone like me is doubly removed. African American identity is singly removed and would accept a mixed person before me, theoretically, historically speaking. And actually, they are more closely related culturally than me. Nigerian is doubly removed. So yes a bicultural identity is less recognized, seen, understood, valued.
For the Western White global system, African mixed with White, for example, would be a closer in than Black “mixed with” Black. It is what it is — it is a fact honestly. See Barack Obama and how even the darker skinned Ben Carson came after. He came only after the mixed person that had an exceptional background, but also a visual palatability with POC and White people that studies show helped as well. Even you see Carson denounce Blackness which was a stain for him. Black mixed with Black. And the “rabbit hole” could go deeper with his skin tone but not today.
Biracial over monocultural Black or bicultural Black usually. This is part of my story too and Godwilling that I still rise beyond as well. Even my line that I will only note that here vaguely but the Universe knows.
Anyway, let me write about what was the plan today. One sentence or two for each.
These are memories or current thoughts.
Mr. Carson
I remember attending a poetry event one day after English class. Mr. Carson was my English teacher in 12th grade. Like a Poetry Club meeting. Maybe we were reading a poem and I said how an idea made no sense. He gathered me and suggested not to confuse not understanding a complicated idea with the idea being dumb, that sometimes we just don’t understand things and don’t have to downgrade them. That has stuck with me actually. He was right.
Barnard University, Columbia University, et cetera
I tried to transfer to these schools from Howard. I wasn’t really accepting what my reality was then and story. These weren’t the right schools for me then. I wasn’t ready or really in that mindset. Anyway, I didn’t get into either school for the Common Application. Accepting the story.
Nigeria learning languages
This is actually next. Igbo and French practice. So let me go now.
More than one or two sentences apiece. I meant to keep the paragraphs short.
Let me go now.
Dear God, may you help me rise from the ashes of my background, family line, et cetera. Coming lines, et cetera. I pray for this seriously given all of the odds to things.
Amen.
Utu oma — good morning. Goodbye. Ka o di. Au revoir. A demain. See you tomorrow.
—
Hi. Thanks for reading and seeing my story. And those connected to it. I have a newsletter about my journey. If interested in being a part, I invite you to SIGN UP.I will try to keep things angled to you, too, a reciprocal type of vibe.
