I was ashamed to go to a historically black college.

As opposed to a predominantly white college…

Image courtesy of Unsplash

I just had a conversation that shows me a lot of what I’m connected to in a way that I don’t want to be connected.

Details would help but it’s enough to say.

And earlier, I went to a Zoom call for a local alumni chapter for Howard University.

Sure, I had a tough time a lot. And I also went to a great school. Both can be true.

But for a while I was ashamed because not only did I have trouble, which I’ve written about and don’t feel like bringing up at this moment today. Not only did I have trouble, but HBCUs aren’t seen in a lot of circles with the same starry eyes as if you say you went to a well-known prestigious school, well-known outside of black circles.

For Example

1. A random person who I was working with at this place called TechSquare Labs in Atlanta, Georgia, he said, “I’m glad my sister went to Tulane. She transferred from (insert some historically black college).”
2. My brother made a snide remark once because he went to a well-known school where he ran track and field, Stanford University. In life, Stanford is usually seen with more prestige than Howard, black and white. He scoffed at this once which hurt me.
3. My uncle said, “Did you have to go there?” two years ago at my mother’s funeral. “You got in in other places, right?” Honestly, Howard University is more quality than the University of Akron where he teaches (to be honest, if you want to play that game). But he said that because of the idea of Howard University.
4. And me, I’d thought that it didn’t have the well-known name like Georgetown which was in the same city that I’d never actually seen while I was in Washington, DC, just the city named Georgetown.

What has changed?

I don’t know. I don’t know if I feel the same or not. I think that I have a better level of acceptance and I think that seeing Kamala Harris and Chadwick Boseman helped validate Howard more for me, and my own positive experiences in the midst of my life story so far. Even if I don’t really know what I truly feel about Kamala Harris, that’s not the point.

The meeting today

I was the only African there. The rest of the people were African Americans I noticed. I sang the alma mater song at the end with everyone. And they’d voted for elections, new roles. One person had gone to Yale too, so I realize also that a lot of people from Howard go to schools like this too.

When I see that my friend didn’t finish college because of reasons that I know and you don’t, and also some of what I have come from, I realize also that this is good. My accomplishments, that I should not discount myself and my accomplishments.

And another thing is that I don’t come from the same backgrounds as the people there. They are middle-class plus, I mean when they went to Howard University it seems from the way they talk. They are connected to people and family. They pledged sororities and fraternities and that’s not my thing, no offense. But it felt so nice to be around really accomplished black people. I felt hopeful with my own life.

And that’s all I want to say. I need to get back to work.

And my bloated cramps stopped from my period today (tmi I know but my day). So I just finished a quick meal — small omelet and salad — now that I’m not feeling fat bellied.

I hope that I can thrive even when if you were with me 30 minutes ago, you might get discouraged too.

Let me go now and get to the next thing on my bullet list.

Goodnight. Ndeewo ndewo.

Onward.

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