Wrestlemania 34 Review: Exceeding Expectations with Legitimate Surprises
Don’t let the headline fool you, numerous rants are incoming, so stay tuned
I woke up Monday morning, the night after Wrestlemania 34, and I watched the Intercontinental Title match that I had missed. I had just gotten back home from church Sunday night and got a late start watching Wrestlemania live. I continued along Monday morning and rewatched a couple of matches and moments from the show that I found to be the most intriguing and entertaining. I found calm and peace in the morning versus the death march my eyes went through the night previous.
Wrestlemania has been too long for the last two or three years, and that’s the immediate issue that needs to be addressed. There wasn’t a lot in the way of segments this year either, there was just match after match after match after match. Most of the matches were good with a handful of standout performances and moments.
I was about half-conscious for the main event of Brock Lesnar vs. Gold- excuse me, Lesnar vs. Reigns. Lesnar should have asked Goldberg to substitute in if he knew the match was going to be so repetitive, inane, and hated by the crowd. I was fighting off a headache during the last half of the show, which I experienced during the most recent Royal Rumble show as well. I could’ve watched the Lord of the Rings Trilogy before Wrestlemania 34 was over. I hear the kickoff show to Wrestlemania 35 starts tomorrow morning.
All jests aside, I did appreciate that despite the marathon, Wrestlemania 34 featured great wrestling, the occasional spectacle, legitimate surprises, and solid booking (save for two matches).
I’m changing up the format from how I’d normally review this show. Normally, I’d go match by match and give you my thoughts and opinions. I have a better idea for this review, let’s go rant by rant, starting with my most vicious and we’ll continue from there.
The Reaction to AJ Styles vs. Shinsuke Nakamura
I knew immediately something was wrong when AJ Styles music hit and there wasn’t an enormous cheer. Maybe the crowd was waiting to see him on stage? Nope. Styles walked out on stage and the crowd was cheering but at a lull. Styles gets bigger pops at SmackDown shows.
For the first minute or so of the match, the crowd was moderately cheering for Styles and Nakamura, before falling back to sleep. With the crowd out of the match, I knew immediately opinions of this match would shift to the negative.
Then there’s the actual match itself. The wrestling. Two of the great all-time performers in wrestling going at it mono-a-mono at wrestling’s largest event. If you ask me, that’s a dream match. The fact two superstars regarded as legends in the business are competing against each other on such a stage is incredible.
A collection of wrestling fans had a different opinion about what the Styles and Nakamura bout would look like. Fast paced, high flying, numerous kickouts from finishing moves, a crowd going wild at every turn.
Wrestling fans have been conditioned to pop for spot fests and kick outs of finishers (that inherently devalue the impact of a “finishing” move). This is why I believe the positive reaction to AJ Styles vs. John Cena set wrestling back. Styles’ ability put over the match but the match lacked wrestling psychology. That is another article altogether but selling in wrestling needs to evolve with the times (why are headbutts and bearhugs still used in wrestling?).
The irony is that Styles and Nakamura did the best selling on the show. Styles and Nakamura were putting over the damage of their strikes. Their match had a prizefight mentality, not a lucha mentality. I’m not a technical wrestling expert, but I’m fairly certain this was strong style on display from both Styles and Nakamura interspersed with their already well-polished wrestling move sets. What amazed me the most was that the production team used THREE slow-motion replays to emphasize that the moves Styles and Nakamura were hitting were making actual contact. This is how you sell professional wrestling to sports fans!
The match alone I thought was great. Following the match was a surprise Nakamura heel turn meaning this was likely just the first match in a feud between Styles and Nakamura.
My essential problem with the negative reaction to the match is that this sentiment will echo in Stamford with the McMahon’s and discourage them from putting on great matchups in the future in favor of pushing their establishment guys.
I’m not saying AJ Styles vs. Nakamura was the best match ever, it may not have been the match of the night (although it was mine), but it was a damn fine wrestling match that holds a ton of intrigue going forward.
WWE’s Mishandling of Ronda Rousey
I actually found this year’s mixed tag match between Angle and Rousey vs. HHH and Stephanie entertaining. I thought the spots were well planned out and the crowd was still awake at this point in the show adding anticipation for Rousey’s in-ring debut. I was more intrigued than anything but nonetheless excited to see how Rousey would transition into the wrestling ring.
Rousey soared above my expectations. The athletic prowess of Rousey will hopefully lead to women’s wrestlers having to up their game in the ring. Compare the way Rousey moves to say, Nikki Bella. When Bella ran the ropes it looked like she was moving in slow motion, and you can say the same for most of the women’s roster. One of my biggest criticisms of women’s wrestling is just that. There’s gotta be speed off the ropes and heavier impact when moves are being hit (clotheslines, dropkicks, etc.). Girls like Sasha and Charlotte are further along, but it may not be long before Rousey makes them look inferior as a pure athlete. This comes back to the Lesnar complex where he’s simply a superior athlete. Lesnar brought a legitimacy to wrestling, he’s been somewhat reduced to a gimmick in recent memory. But I digress…
The fact that Rousey is already this domineering in the ring further makes me more upset that her debut match was against a 41-year old non-athlete in Stephanie McMahon. The moment Rousey and Stephanie met in the ring, it should’ve been Rousey beating Stephanie down, and then locking her in an armbar for an instant tapout. Instead the preposterous occurred.
Stephanie McMahon got offense on Ronda Rousey. Piss off. I was openly talking to myself during the match like a crazy person saying, “This is stupid.” I watched Rousey beat down and submit two professional fighters in less than a minute but Stephanie McMahon is able to hit Rousey with a terrible looking DDT? Even worse, Stephanie McMahon blocked multiple armbar attempts. ARE YOU KIDDING… You’re not… You’re insulting our intelligence WWE!
The match got progressively better after HHH decided he would step in and fight Ronda. If the WWE was smart enough, they would’ve flipped this. Before Rousey could get her hands on Stephanie, she would have to go through HHH first. Stephanie could’ve gotten in her eye pokes and maybe a slap after Rousey’s taken some offense from HHH, but that would be it. Stephanie blocking armbars and hitting moves on Rousey devalues her character from the jump.
This feud shouldn’t have happened in the first place. This easily could’ve been built over a period of time subtly before one big blowoff gimmick match at say, Survivor Series.
John Cena Wasting my Time
The Undertaker vs. Cena match provided the best result a wrestling fan could’ve dreamed of. I said in my preview article this match was the last thing I wanted to see, and would easily be the worst match of the night. Both those assessments hold up because while the result was what I wanted, the match was still a massive waste of time.
Sure the match itself was 2–3 minutes long, but sitting through the entire show with continuous cuts to Cena’s boring ass sitting in the crowd trying to act engaged was infuriating. Elias’ bit was its usual schtick and mildly funny, and then Cena reminds him that he buries midcarders like Elias for breakfast. Then there’s Undertaker’s entrance that plods along, and we finally get a match that was as boring as expected. Yawn.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad that this was an Undertaker squash match and not the other way around. But I still sniff a John Cena agenda lurking beneath the surface like a cross-eyed crocodile waiting to snap up as soon as we take our eyes off the ticking time clock that is John Cena scrapping Ric Flair’s championship reigns record.
Cena knows he’s criticized for not putting wrestler’s over, and this Undertaker match will likely be used as further leverage for Cena to claim he doesn’t bury better talent. At the very least I can see Cena apologists reaching for straws with him taking a loss to retirement home Taker. Good for Taker though, his character gets to go out on a high rather than an embarrassing blunder.
What I Didn’t (Refused to) Watch
I’d love to tell you what I thought about the Bludgeon Brothers winning the Smackdown Tag Team Championships. I can’t tell you much because I didn’t watch one single solitary second of the match. This is not at the fault of the Bludgeon Brothers or The Usos whom I think are good tag teams, but rather the third team entered into the equation that I refuse to watch for purposes of my sanity.
I saw short clips and gifs on Twitter involving The New Day running out throwing pancakes around spreading their My Little Pony religion to the WWE faithful. I’m not about it, never will be. The list of offenses only grows by the week for Big E, Kofi, and Woods, whom I couldn’t look in the eye if I saw them in public. Big E pulling pancakes from inside his wrestling attire near his crotch was the end for me watching any clip of The New Day on WWE television.
Congratulations to the Bludgeon Brothers because at least Thor crossed with Duck Dynasty as champion is not going to cause me mental harm.
Two Bad Booking Decisions
Charlotte and Asuka had a very good match, but the result may have buried Asuka on the main roster. At the very least, Asuka’s ceiling has been severely limited because she lost the most crucial element of her character. Her winning streak. Poof. Gone. Not an eye batted or blinked. No major buildup to this moment either. This is very bad news for Asuka.
I’m no fan of Asuka but that’s bad booking. This is a sign that what a wrestler accomplishes in NXT is easily erasable on the main roster. I should probably watch NXT because I constantly hear that it’s the better wrestling show, but I don’t have enough time or attention per week. I only watch YouTube clips from Raw and SmackDown each week. An hour of NXT is a major time investment. I could use that time to go to church and pray that a job I applied to liked my application.
Jobber Mahal needs to go back to where he rightfully belongs. Just because the WWE is headed to the Middle East for a major event, doesn’t mean Jobber Mahal should be winning title matches. Mahal is not capable enough on the mic or in the ring to hold a title.
Replayable Matches
Amidst all the chaos in the WWE, from its writing to its booking to its production, they put on a slew of great matches at this year’s Wrestlemania.
The opening Intercontinental Championship match was great, highlighted by Seth Rollins’ victory and Game of Thrones-esque entrance.
Charlotte and Asuka put on a hell of a show.
Braun Strowman and Nicholas was a hilarious moment and great for the kids. Cesaro trash talking Nicholas will not soon be forgotten.
The aforementioned Styles vs. Nakamura match will be drastically underrated. Nakamura’s entrance was the best of the night. Styles Kinshasa reversal into the Styles Clash is an all-time moment.
Ronda Rousey had her moment and made the most of it.
Daniel Bryan didn’t miss a step or a beat. Owens and Zayn did what they do best, and Shane McMahon is one tough dude. Yet another great year of storytelling from Kevin Owens that hopefully won’t go lost on fans.
Roman Reigns didn’t walk out as champion. Hold up. That really happened? Am I in an alternative universe?
Wait a Minute… There Was a Main Event?
I had no expectations for the main event of Brock Lesnar vs. Roman Reigns. Everyone and their mother’s cat expected Roman to win the match. After Roman took his fifth F5 and kicked out, it was a foregone conclusion. I was bored to tears, my headache that developed throughout the show was raging at this point. After a sixth F5 and a bloodied face due to Lesnar’s elbows to his face, Reigns was finally put down for three seconds. Good lord.
I was legitimately shocked again, and then I went to sleep as did the 80,000 people in New Orleans who were half chanting for CM Punk during the match. The match itself was a disaster. Lesnar with his suplex gimmick that limits his wrestling to two moves. Reigns countered with his jumping side punches and ubiquitous spears. The match was ugly and predictable. Outside of Roman getting cut open, there wasn’t anything memorable about the match. This match needed an interference or a flaming table. Something to make all the cynical viewers care for at least a moment.
It appears that Lesnar’s win will take away some Roman vitriol before he does win the title at the Saudi Arabia event. It’s a sneaky move, but I doubt it will stop fans from booing Reigns.
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Wrestlemania 34 is in the books and we move into a new season building toward Wrestlemania 35, there are opportunities for some great feuds and moments to happen throughout the year. The WWE has laid the groundwork to break ground in new areas but will have to be careful not to fall into the same old tropes it always does.
