Cardinal Sins
Cardinals baseball is better than ever, but there’s still room for improvement under the Arch.
The modern era of St. Louis Cardinals baseball began on October 23, 1995, with the hiring of Anthony “Tony” LaRussa, Jr. Directly preceding this gilded age was an era of great tribulation, from 1988-1995, that was dark and full of terrors including Pedro Guerrero and Tripp Cromer being sited at Busch II with birds-on-the-bat logos across their chests.
Since LaRussa joined the ballclub prior to the 1996 campaign, the Redbirds have accounted for nine out of a possible 18 NL Central Division championships (including a tie with Houston in 2001). The team also managed three wild-card entries into the playoffs. In that 18 year window, the team has made the NLCS nine times.
It can be difficult for even the most cynical Cards’ fan to find a valid complaint about the product Cardinals’ players and management have provided during this dizzyingly successful epoch. The most common grievance is that the style of baseball played in front of the adoring masses at Busch III isn’t as artful and clever as previous eras of Cardinal greatness — a complaint akin to John Mendesohn’s famous review of Led Zeppelin I in Rolling Stone.
As this fairy tale goes, Bob Gibson was the apotheosis of the dominant ace, the alpha intimidator of the 1960’s, while Adam Wainright only pitches to one side of the plate. Whitey-ball and the go-go 80’s squads represented a wily manager using every trick on the lineup card to outlast more talented teams, while LaRussa’s teams were dominated by two historically great sluggers — allowing fans to take a nap until the conquering hero’s next AB.
This argument is largely lost on me. You want intimidation? In a quiet moment, take Joey Votto or Andrew McCutchen aside and ask him about Kevin Seigrist or Carlos Martinez. Ask them about Michael Wacha’s mound gravitas. You want high art? If you don’t appreciate what you’re seeing every night from Yadier Molina, I can’t help you.
Nevertheless, I do have my own issues with the overall Cardinals experience. Some are trivial and some less so. In honor of the greatest Cardinal (Ball State subspecies), I present (mostly without explanation) a ten-step guide to baseball enlightenment, Late Show-style.
Top Ten ways the StL Cardinals can improve operations
10- Get rid of the playoff rally towels.
9- Fire Al Hrabosky.
8) Heighten the profile of Ozzie Smith in the organization. My recommendation: make the Wizard the new lead analyst on Fox Sports Midwest.
7) Free Carlos Martinez. Can you imagine the thrill of watching StL swagger into a series with the Reds or Pirates with Wainright, Wacha and Martinez lined up in the rotation?
6) Ease up on all the Cardinal Way nonsense. Oh, wait, you’re on top of this one already. Well done.
5) Eliminate team-sanctioned religious nights at Busch III. In this case, I present the Cardinals brass with an obvious alternative. Give the Cardinals’ imprimatur to people of all faiths and non-faith to have their own very-special night at the ballpark. I dare you.
4) In the not-to-distant future a mighty, yet sensitive Angel, will visit Busch III wearing the mark of #5. On this night, forget my earlier objection, slaughter the fatted calf and welcome him home as a prodigal son.
3) Quietly retire Fred Bird to Jupiter, Fla.
2) The Cards have gone all in on “Cardinals Nation” with the enormous signage at Ballpark Village. Now, go tear it down. The Red Sox didn’t have the good sense to copyright their term of endearment, but Cardinals’ management should’ve known better than to flamboyantly ape the linguistic calling card of their primary antagonist.
1)This is more a state of Missouri issue, but could you please transition first pitch to 7:05 EST so your Mid-Atlantic fans can go to bed at a decent hour? Just asking… ok, begging.
