Not the best creamy French cheese available.

14 Entirely Random Things I Think About The World After 26 Years Here

Because it’s not all about me.

A while ago, I wrote about the 25 things I’d learnt about myself in the 25 years I’d been on this big, blueish ball.

Since then, I turned 26 and the older and wiser me realised it was a bit self-obsessed. So to show that I’m a well-rounded human, today I’m turning things outward.

This is my list of 14 things that I reckon about the world.

Yeah I know, it’s less stuff than the one all about me. I’m 26, me is still most of what I’ve got.

1/ Cheese is good isn’t it?

I mean think about it. Some guy (or gal), god knows how many centuries ago, thought “hmm, I wonder what that mouldy milk tastes like”.

Bravo pal, you the real MVP.

2/ Things go in cycles

I’ve seen a lot of girls wearing those choker neck things recently. More than an amount I could just dismiss as fringe weirdness. This is a trend. Again.

Pokemon’s back, in case you hadn’t heard. Craig David is cool again.

Cycles man. Everything comes back around. Makes sense really. There’s a finite amount of stuff, philosophically speaking. I think. So it’s not a shocker that things repeat themselves.

My Mum was always going on about this, and so it’s always something that’s been there in the back of my mind, but what does surprise me is how quickly these things come back around.

Or maybe that’s just Einstein’s Theory of Relativity in action. The older I get the shorter time is.

I promise I’m not high right now.

3/ Tottenham will perennially disappoint

The football team, not the place.

The best season they’ve had in 25 years and they still manage to make it disappointing.

(For those not of a football-y persuasion — it looked like Spurs might win the league championship for the first time in 55 years, they were playing the best football of any team in the league, then in the last few games managed to capitulate entirely and finish 3rd, behind their arch rivals Arsenal for the 21st year in a row).

Classic Spurs. God they’re annoying.

4/ There are more calories in things than you think

A slice of bread has about 100 calories. Some beers are like 200.

On somewhat vigorous, though not implausible, drinking occasions, I’ve drunk my recommended daily calories. A whole day’s equivalent of food, consumed in a very much not nourishing liquid format. That’s bad, isn’t it?

5/ Truth no longer matters

In a world where we have access to more information than any generation of humans before us, it’s interesting that so much is bullshit.

We live in an age, or in fact many of us grew through the age, of spin and deceit.

Post-truthism is our lot now, and that’s why everyone seems to yearn for these types of personal, soul-bearing, confessional Medium-style pieces on the web.

But even these can be dressed up. You know what, some bread only has 90 calories per slice, but I thought it sounded better to round up.

See. Truth is lies, up is down, in is out.

6/ IMDB and Rotten Tomatoes ratings tend not to be right

I mean don’t get me wrong, Shawshank is a great film. It’s not the best film of all time though. Sorry, it’s not.

I used to religiously check reviews of films before I watched one. I still do. But sometimes I ignore them.

If a film has a 65% score, but I think it looks good, I’ll watch it. Sometimes it is good.

Thing is, there’s no fun to be had only ever watching good films anyway.

7/ Expensive wine isn’t worth it

I’m not saying there isn’t a qualitative difference between a 1928 Chateau Lafite and a bottle of Jacob’s Creek.

I’m saying I can’t tell the difference, and honestly, neither can most people.

Five quid plonk does me just fine thank you very much.

8/ The Simpsons is the greatest television program ever made

No comparisons. Nothing has had the length and depth of cultural importance and impact that those yellow headed bastards has.

I would go as far to argue that it is the most important work of culture from the last century.

I maybe wouldn’t go that far actually. There was some pretty good art and stuff in the last 100 years.

Still, it’s good.

9/ “When a man is tired of London… he’s tired of London”

London is great. It’s not the fucking be all and end all though.

It’s vitality and centrality is greatly overstated.

I like going into London. For a bit. And then I like leaving again.

If you don’t, and you like being there all the time, great.

What we’ve got there is a difference of opinion. Plain and simple. Doesn’t need to be settled. Doesn’t require assumptive questions of “when are you moving to London?”.

Let’s just agree to mildly disagree and leave it there.

10/ Brighton is good for people who like London but at a slower pace

Which just happens to be my bag.

But I can completely understand why some people hate it.

It’s pretty ugly in places. There are a lot of knobheads with beards. And a lot of knobheads without beards, too.

But it does everything I need it to, and for a lot of people who like London but don’t love it, it provides a safe retreat from which to observe and occasionally interject in the Capital’s goings on.

11/ Camembert > Brie > Boursin

Of the three main French soft cheeses, this is their order of necessity to a contented existence.

12/ Hi-tops are the most comfortable kind of shoe

So damn comfy. Like walking on pillows.

I don’t care if they don’t look good, if the colours are garish, if I wear them like a Dad. They’re comfy as hell dammit.

Only one complaint: a bit of a pain to get on and off, not as lazily accessible as a low-top trainer, but compensate with the extra ankle support.

I mean this really is the sort of insight that people pay for. Or not.

Never worn hi-tops? Go out and treat yo self to a pair of Air Force Ones or Jordans. You won’t regret it, trust me.

13/ Consumption is easier than creation

And a trap.

If everyone created something for every time they consumed, the world would be a much better place. Probs. I dunno. Sounds good though, dunnit?

14/ Sometimes it’s worth paying more for things

Like trainers (£70 is a lot I know, but they will last).

It’s a tough mindset to get out of, particularly if you grew up poor or lower-middle class, where getting a bargain is everything.

Don’t get me wrong, I won’t over pay for things, and I’ll shop at Aldi for a while yet, but with some things it makes sense to spend a bit more.

15/ People lie

Yeah I said there’d be 14 things. Welcome to the real world mothafucka.

When Jackson isn’t insulting his readers, he writes all sorts of nonsense here on Medium and on his funny political blog, Politicalists, (his mum says it’s funny). Check it out.

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