Karen and Muriel — The Agony Aunts (with apologies to Cathy and Claire)!
So, we all remember with fondness, The Cathy and Claire Page in Jackie Magazine. I don’t have a proper agony aunt in place yet, so let’s take a tongue in cheek, modern look at some of the problems submitted, back in the day, to Cathy and Claire!
What Did She Do Wrong?
This first problem was submitted by a schoolgirl who saw one of her classmates in town with her ‘fantastic’ boyfriend and about whom she had been bragging. The writer described the boy as being horrible, small and ugly with glasses. The girl couldn’t stop laughing and told all her friends about him at school. Thinking her friends would also find it funny, she told them about the sighting, but they all looked disgusted and walked away, refusing to talk to her. Cathy and Claire were quite short and clear, astonished that the writer didn’t know why her friends had reacted this way and suggested that perhaps a good long think might help her.
Karen and Muriel say: Well, well, well, aren’t you the official romance critic? Maybe your friends don’t want someone who is judgemental and likely to assess their significant other’s appearance. Maybe next time, hand out scorecards in the shopping centre, like Strictly, and carry out a poll before spreading your opinions! Remember, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, maybe a bit like your taste in gossip!
Scared of Meeting his Mum!
A fearful young lady who had been invited to her boyfriend’s house to meet his mum wrote to Cathy and Claire. She didn’t want to go but she didn’t want to be rude, either. The problem was, that she was a bit of a klutz and was afraid she’d spill her tea all over the table or say something stupid. She wondered whether to offer to do the dishes afterwards, but was afraid of breaking the best china. Cathy and Claire were very practical with their advice and told her not to worry about it as this would make her even more nervous, wear something comfortable so that she wouldn’t fidget, chat nicely and do offer to do the dishes because it’s polite. They also reminded her to take a box of chocs or flowers and to say thank you for a lovely dinner.
Karen and Muriel Say: So, spilling the tea can be done in two ways; literally, as in sploshing it all over the place, or figuratively by bringing some good gossip to the party! So, we’re guessing it’s the sploshing you’re most worried about. How about taking a back up outfit with you in case the teapot goes flying? You can never go wrong with a stylish raincoat indoors!
Offering to do the dishes, is a brilliant strategy, assuming everything is still in one piece. Maybe anticipate the problem and forewarn your boyfriend’s mum of your klutziness by getting a tea-themed T-shirt printed with a slogan such as Tea-rrific Mess Manager. If the worse comes to the worst, remember that confidence is key. If you do spill the tea, blame it on a sudden earth tremor, or if your boyfriend’s mum has a cat or a dog, try to blame it on them somehow.
My plain friend is stealing my thunder!
This writer asked Cathy and Claire how she could get a boyfriend when out with her pleasantly plain and plump bestie. The writer thought she was slim and pretty in comparison but had never had a boyfriend despite having new trendy clothes. Her friend on the other hand wore the same shabby things yet got lots of dates and walked home by the boys on a regular basis.
Cathy and Claire were forthright in their opinions and told the writer off for her attitude, reminding her that boys are not possessions and I want, doesn’t get! These agony aunts didn’t hold back, did they? They thought that the girl’s vanity was overtaking her interest in people and that she was being shallow. They suggested being the nice, fun loving person that her friend probably was and to stop being so superior.
Karen and Muriel Say: There’s nothing worse than your frumpy friend stealing the spotlight when you’re looking like an absolutely fabulous wallflower! Why not ditch those expensive and trendy clothes and take a leaf out of your pal’s book to embrace the shabby chic, vintage look? If you can rock a vintage potato sack, why spend all your hard-earned cash on designer styles?
Maybe your bestie exudes confidence. If so, don’t hang back, strut your stuff on the dancefloor, like you own it. Don’t wait to be asked to dance by a boy. Grab them by the hand and lead them to the dancefloor and bring the sauce with a fabulous salsa!
The boys are bound to think you’re a Strictly celebrity and line up for your autograph and dates. Love is like a boomerang. The harder your throw yourself into it, the more likely it is to come flying back at you. Get out and show those boys what they’ve been missing!
Is this the only way, Essex?
This girl wrote to Cathy and Claire about her new boyfriend, with whom she was fairly loved up but whose musical tastes were very different from hers. The writer liked Bay City Rollers and David Essex, her boyfriend — Led Zeppelin. When the girl got tickets for a David Essex concert, he told her he wouldn’t want to see her again if she went. She decided not to go along.
Cathy and Claire thought he sounded like he was taking advantage of the girl’s good nature and she shouldn’t let him boss her about on this as he could do the same on more important issues. Sound advice. Here’s Karen and Muriel’s more lighthearted approach!
Karen and Muriel Say:
Oh dear, this is a bit of a discordant duet. We don’t want murder on the dancefloor, so, if there’s no chance of compromise, you should give him an ultimatum! Tell him you’re not willing to trade in your David Essex dreams for a stairway to nowhere. After all, love should be like a melody — harmonious, not heavy metal!
Remember, love shouldn’t be a battlefield, but music should always be on a dance floor. So, we’d say it’s time to turn up the volume on your musical choices, or it’s bye, bye, baby for him if he doesn’t at least appreciate that you have your own individual tastes and learn to accept your differences.
