Young Mothers :: Having A Baby Is The Best Thing That Could Happen To You BUT…..
Riham Abuaita, from Bethlehem, reflects on the challenges and blessings of raising a child in Palestine.
“Young Mothers” is an essay series which brings you narrative and refection from young mothers from the Middle East and North Africa reflecting on the challenges, blessings, and radical life changes that occur when they become a mother
I gave birth to my little monster Aram after approximately 3 years of marriage, which is something not common in Palestine. Usually, four months after getting married, people around us start to wonder if we are facing problems if we haven’t gotten pregnant within that period of time.
No, no guys, we just think that we are too young to have babies now.
During my pregnancy, all the mothers told me that having baby is a real pleasure and all the good things about children, except one friend who told me then: “Don’t let the mothers deceive you. It’s true that being a mother is the best thing could happen to you, but you will have hard times, stress and you will not be free anymore”. She added: “Here, if the women say something bad about motherhood, the society thinks that they are emotionless.”
Aram, who is now 3 years and half, is my real joy in this life. I’m enjoying every second with him. He has a very funny personality and is laughing all the time! In the same time, he is very demanding, wants the attention all the day, and can’t leave me alone for 5 minutes without talking to me.
Since having Aram, I can’t take any single decision before thinking about him — even if it’s to take a shower. He is always on the top of my priority. He increased my passion for life because I feel that he is under my responsibility and no one can take care of him like me. And even when blame myself for anything bad that happens to him like when he falls down or gets sick I stop feeling guilty or stressing myself out because I realized that whatever I do, he will go through all these things simply because thats life, like all the children.
As a Palestinian child, I know that Aram is lucky compared to other Palestinian kids his age. For example, he has a better life and lives in a safer environment than many Palestinian kids who are living in the Palestinian villages surrounded by Israeli settlements or in Gaza. Just one week ago, I had an opportunity to go to Gaza and visit the people who are living in the caravans that are not suitable for human living. When I saw the children there I thought: “Oh my God, I can’t imagine Aram having this life. Can you imagine what it feels like when you can’t provide basic living conditions for your baby?” Also I thought that it could happen in the West Bank as well. What if I found myself in the same situation?
Far from the political situation, raising your kids in Palestinian society is helpful and hard in the same time. Helpful because I’m not alone, I can easily ask for help or advice from everyone. I can hang out or travel and easily leave him at his grandparents’ house without being worried about him. At the same time, it’s harder when all the people around you — wether you know them well or not — want you to raise your children like they did in the past with their own children.
In closing, I would like to share with you a great quote from famous Arab poet and author, Khalil Gibran about children:
“Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.”
