forgiveness and compromise

Someone once told me that you must first love someone in order to hate them. According to that, you can love someone you hate. But would you want to? But can you forgive them? Can you forgive someone who did something that you considered an unforgivable offense. Something that, if they knew you, just a little bit, they would never even consider doing to you. Could you? It’s the question I ask myself every morning when I wake up. And so far, every night I go to bed with no new answers.

In my life now, it has become the essential question. Can I forgive? So, as I sit here at this stop light, I ponder. As the light cycles from green, to yellow, to red and back to green again and again. The other cars pass me by, beeping and honking as they go around me. Of course I could get going and just move in which ever direction that I feel like moving in, but is that the right decision? For me?

It’s really a question of truth. Can I forgive and still be true to myself. Truth is something that I am no longer willing to compromise. How can one compromise truth? I ask that, but yet, we compromise our truths daily, in one way or another. Can I live in a perpetual lie? I choose not to. It’s not for me. And that includes love. I can not pretend to love. Not anymore. So I choose not to.

Could you compromise yourself? Compromise the things that make you amazing? Compromise your creativity, for the sake of another? Could you give up something that is essential for you well-being in order to give to someone else? Could you give up one truth for another and find satisfaction in your choice without trying to find a combined truth? Is there a combined truth? Or is it all an illusion. Are all truths lies?

I’ll just keep asking. Maybe the truth will reveal itself. Maybe it will just be another lie. Until the answer hits me, I’ll just keep dancing with pigeons.