just plain poo-poo (every night)

every night ends the same.
with my shame.
with accusations of things I haven’t done.
with being made into a boy.
with being reminded exactly how triffling I must be.

every night I cry.
I wonder what am I doing here.
I wonder if it is all worth it.
I wonder if I can recover from this torture.
I wonder if my heart will survive.

every night ends the same.
going to bed debating various suicides.
if I were to shoot, where?
would it be better in the heart?
would the temple be a better choice?
maybe the barrel should be oral?
what’s the appropriate angle?

every night I cry.
I no longer care who sees the tears.
maybe someone will comfort me.
maybe I will learn to comfort myself.
maybe I will run, from myself.

every night ends the same.
I fall asleep with a tear in my eye.
and every morning I try.