A Gay Girl Sleeping With Her Straight Crush

Aunty, this will never do! Help!

James Finn
Jun 30 · 5 min read

Dear Aunty Jimothy,

I’m going to be sharing a room with three friends on a school trip to Disney World. Two beds, four girls. This would be fine, except I have a crush on one of them. I don’t want to share a bed with someone I might be attracted to! None of these people know I like girls. What do I do?

Frightened in Florida


Dear Frightened,

Child, what a question! Look how you’ve just nailed a universal queer fear, dear! How many of us remember being teens and being scared of having to sleep in the same bed as people we were crushing on?

This old aunty remembers! Ooh la la, my dear. And guys have the added problem of rather visible arousal, if you catch my meaning. Ordinary horseplay can turn sharing a bed into a nightmare of embarrassment and dread.

It’s not fair, is it? Unrelated adults aren’t expected to share beds in hotels. Hotel rooms sometimes, sure — but not beds. Honey, if anybody suggested such a thing to a business traveler, there would be hell to pay. Why, this old aunty would have to use her fabulous pink feather boa as a whip! Harrumph.

It sucks being a teeanger sometimes, doesn’t it? Adults want to treat you like a child when you really aren’t. They don’t extend the same rights of privacy to you that they would to other adults. Remember how that feels when you’re older, would you?

Anyway, I feel you! Sleeping in the same bed with someone you’re crushing on is going to be super uncomfortable. You shouldn’t have to do that, but you might not have a choice. So what do you do?

Come out to one or both of your other friends as gay or bi?

That would ideal,wouldn’t it? You could have a quiet word, then share a bed with one of the girls you aren’t attracted to.

But only you can decide if it’s worth the risk. Only you can think about what the consequences might be. I don’t know what your school is like and what it might mean for you if word got out.

Trust a wise old aunty on this:

Word would get out! Word always gets out. Schools are hotbeds of gossip. Secrets want to be free. It’s almost physics! If you tell one or both of your friends that you like girls, the whole school will know eventually. I’m not saying they’d out you on purpose. But you know how these things go.

Also — what would happen if you told them and they weren’t as accepting as you thought? You might be trapped in a room in a seriously uncomfortable or hostile situation. Something to think about.

What if you keep your secret?

Hm, a long life of cunning and debauchery has taught Aunty a trick or two. Here’s what I might do!

  • Bring a sleeping bag and/or a yoga mat and sleep on the floor. Yes, child! You wouldn’t have to offend anyone. Just make up a story about how you simply CAN’T sleep with somebody else in bed with you. Or explain that you’re not feeling well and have to get up a lot to go to the loo.
  • Talk to a teacher you can trust and ask to change rooms. You don’t necessarily have to tell them why, just that it’s important. A quiet word may do the job. And the teacher could do that without alerting anyone that you’d requested it.
  • Grin and bear it. If you end up in bed with her, take a few deep breaths, curl up, count sheep, and go to sleep. Don’t “catastrophize.” Understand that you’ll be OK. You’ll be uncomfortable, but it won’t be the end of the world.

Last world of advice? Stay sober!

However you end up handling things, you’ll want your wits about you. Alcohol and weed will dull those wits when you might need them the most.

What what what, Aunty!? My friends and I are pure as the driven snow. We don’t drink and smoke!

Yes, dear. Good for you. Aunty is covering her bases. It’s worth mentioning that alcohol and drugs can sometimes turn a difficult situation worse. Especially when you need to be sharp. And Aunty used to be young, girl. Ahem.

Mostly, enjoy yourself —

Do you best to have fun, will you? Disney rocks! Go on all the rides, and laugh and have a wonderful time. You’re only young once. Don’t let this problem get in the way of a fabulous trip. Whatever comes up, you can handle it. You’re strong enough. Concentrate and hold on to that.

You can do it! Don’t make an old Aunty clutch her pearls.

That’s another Aunty Jimothy column on Medium, guys and girls. Got a question? Post it under this story or email jamesfinnwrites@gmail.com and she’ll do her best to crank out some pearlescent balls of wisdom.

By the way, I’ve got a whole bat cave full of lesbians, trans guys and girls, and kinky polyamorous bisexual chicks. So when you ask Aunty Jimothy, you’re tapping into a lot more than just Dame Edna’s cranky nemesis.

Ask anything! Love, sex, dating, hooking up, Tinder and Grindr culture, and HIV/STD concerns. Life with your straight family. Coming out. Or not.

This Old Aunty has the Answers. Somewhere. If I can just remember where I left my purse.


Want more Aunty Jimothy? Read all her columns!

James Finn - The Blog

Collected Writings. Stories and ramblings from a long-time LGBTQ thinker and activist.

James Finn

Written by

Writer. Runner. Marine. Airman. Former LGBTQ and HIV activist. Former ActUpNY and Queer Nation. Polyglot. Middle-aged, uppity faggot. jamesfinnwrites@gmail.com

James Finn - The Blog

Collected Writings. Stories and ramblings from a long-time LGBTQ thinker and activist.

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