A Letter To The Witches Council Regarding Hansel and Gretel
I would really like to eat them, please.
To The Bad Sirs and Misses and XXxXs of The Witches Council,
I wholeheartedly wish for your good health and the affliction of all who come in contact with Your Wickednesses.
I admit in good faith that I recall the admonition of This Council. Your order rang clear that none of our evil siblinghood are to consume small children until the rising of the harvest moon coats our land in amber light. This advice I have found to be wise.
However I must confess to some difficulties buried within my own, particular situation.
I am tormented night and day by the activities of two precocious children living next door. They take pieces of my house into their mouths and chew and chew and chew. Soon I will be without lodging. They are apple-cheeked, wide-eyed little children and I wish sorely to eat them.
Please form an exception for my case.
~Your Humble Servant, Emeilda Tipple Helgafield the Witch
Dear Emeilda,
Don’t you dare eat those children! The Grimm Brothers are writing a book and word on the street is that it has a strong, anti-witch agenda. We cannot afford bad publicity at the…
