A Painfully Accurate Catalogue of the Clothing Left Behind in Every Childhood Bedroom

You will not be dressing to impress, only to remember your humiliations

Photo by Becca McHaffie on Unsplash

You’re back home for the weekend, and as the memories of your amazing childhood start flooding back, you decide to peruse your old closet.

What fashion-forward items might you find behind its doors? What timeless treasures might you unearth?

These are items that defined you, helped you express who you are, items that your mother still insists are not just wearable, but still “in.”

You pull open the doors and gaze upon the collection of items surely now desirable by one of those overpriced vintage thrift shops in the arts district of your new city. You find:

• An ugly Christmas sweater, worn one time for a holiday party and never again. The light-up tree and the mini, fully functioning jingle bells that act as ornaments make it hard to get anywhere discreetly. Also, it’s January.
• The long-sleeved dress you wore to the final day of high school with a navy and turquoise chevron pattern. You paired it with a chunky pink necklace and black booties. None of it looked good then, and none of it looks good now.
• Leggings that cut off the…