A Resignation Letter from My Dog As I Imagine It
“I Would Like to be Returned to North Macedonia Please.”
Hello, this is Dolce, your dog. I have borrowed your laptop to write this letter of resignation and also to notify you of my impending return to my brethren back home. I believe I need to give you four weeks notice as is customary, after which I will no longer require your employment.
Firstly, I heavily dislike it when you call yourself my “mummy”. Absolutely disgusting. Like did you give birth to me? I don’t recall seeing your stupid face when me and my seven siblings were born in a bin in North Macedonia. I apologise for my harsh tone, but someone had to tell you.
Anyway, I am writing this with a very heavy heart. You and the male one do try hard, bless you guys, but the level of service I have received these past two years have been, well, sub par. I do not want to even remind you of the embarrassment I had to endure at the vets a few months ago, when he had to put his finger into my assh..— what the hell was that outside? WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF!!!! WOOF!
That oughta do it. So annoying, coming to my street like that, like off you pop! Honestly, some cats eh? But don’t worry, I have got us covered with round the clock protection for a few weeks longer. Free of…
