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An Apologetic Letter From the Avonlea School Board to the Irate Parents of Gilbert Blythe

The protagonist’s character development is surely more important than a minor thwack to the head

Amy Colleen
Jane Austen’s Wastebasket
3 min readApr 21, 2021

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Image by congerdesign from Pixabay

October 15th, 1895

Dear Mr. and Mrs. Blythe,

We have received your letter of the 12th, threatening a lawsuit due to the recent physical assault of your son on our school grounds. We wish to offer our deepest apologies. The Avonlea School Board does not condone violence among any of our students, especially not of the type that threatens the possibility of a concussion. We offer our sincerest wishes that your son Gilbert will make a speedy recovery following the breaking of a writing implement onto his head. We are grateful, at least, that the presence of an abundance of thick and curly hair known to some of our female students as “gorgeous” and “the cutest” probably saved him from further harm.

We would like to gently remind you, as you consider legal action, that Master Blythe is not wholly innocent in this situation — indeed, he admitted fault immediately following the incident, and informed his teacher that he had precipitated the attack by mocking the coiffure of his aggressor. We are given to understand that vegetable comparisons were involved, which any…

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Amy Colleen
Amy Colleen

Written by Amy Colleen

I read a lot of books & sometimes I’m funny. I aspire to be a novelist, practice at humor & human interest writing, and am very fond of the Oxford comma.

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