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Captain James Hook’s Guide to Modern Youth-Speak

Understand what those imps are actually saying

Have you ever been hanging out, minding your own business, maybe waxing your mustache in the park, only to overhear a group of youths talking? Perhaps they used terms like wendybird, perambulator, or fart factory. “Self,” you probably thought, “That sounds an awful lot like gibberish.”

Unfortunately, while the older generation was doing things like working hard, getting enough fiber, and ensuring the canons were so shiny they could see their own faces in them, the younger generation was busy slaughtering language.

Fortunately I, Captain James Hook, have long studied the peculiarities of modern youth-speak. That’s why I’ll be your guide for this expedition—a frightening journey through the often-bewildering vernacular of the holy terrors known as the next generation.

Bangarang

Youth-speak often sounds like nonsense to the rational ear, but keep in mind that children do this on purpose to make grownups feel old. The term “bangarang” is no different. It doesn’t mean anything. But, when you hear it, you should interpret it as meaning, “I don’t have a single well-articulated thought in my head, so I’m going to scream bangarang to fill the space where a circumspect opinion might…