Christmas Gifts From Me, The Cat
Good humans deserve good presents
Whenever I see my humans lug a tree into my living room, I know it’s nearly Christmas. I wait until they set up my gift and then jump about its branches to my heart’s content. They act upset, but really if they didn’t want me to break the toys, they shouldn’t have made them out of glass. One had feathers and was shaped like a bird. How was I supposed to know it wouldn’t fly?
Still, every Christmas they give me this treasure. So this year I decided to show my humans how much I care by giving them the gifts they most desire, whether they know it or not.
Shannon is the alpha female of the group. She takes much of the work upon her own shoulders. Sometimes she is so tired that she yells at me when I try to play our favorite night game, mouse in sheets. She sighs loudly anytime she is forced to clean my litter box.
To ease her burden, I have decided to not use my litter box for a whole week! I shall use the bathroom discreetly about the house. If she doesn’t see it, then she will not have to clean it. It’s the least I can do. She deserves a break this Christmas
This full-grown male is my favorite. I know I shouldn’t have one, but I can’t help it. His petting technique puts the rest of my humans to shame. Sometimes I am so overjoyed that I bite and scratch him to let him know that he’s doing a good job. This has led to nasty looking red marks. To prevent my human from dying of an infection, I am leaving antibiotic cream in his stocking.
I shall wait for her to fall asleep and then tape cat ears to her head and draw whiskers on her face. She seems to think that dressing me in small human clothes is amusing. I am only returning the favor.
Though he resembles David, Bill has other interests that make it difficult for him to spend time petting me. He plays on his computer all day. I’ve taken the liberty of getting a pillow which I shall place over his keyboard. Now he won’t have to angrily shout at whatever is on the other side of that screen and will understand what his purpose truly is.
New small hairless human
I will bring the smallest human a mouse’s tail. He pulls mine so often that I know this gift will be well-received if I leave it in his crib.
He gets nothing but my scorn.
Josie is my oldest human. She’s gotten on in years and has trouble getting around. I can’t bear to put her down though, that thought is too painful.
To help her aching muscles, I am giving her a fish flavored ointment. Really, it’s for her! Fish oil is supposed to be good for aching human joints. And if she happens to taste like fish when she passes away in the night, I won’t complain.
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