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Coconut Oil Is The Secret To My Weight Loss And Success

Who would've thought it could be so easy?

Kyrie Gray
Mar 25 · 3 min read

Hello all you wonderful followers! Kimmi here for our weekly AMA!

So The main question I got after I posted my before and after photos on Instagram as, “Kimmi, are these results for real?”

Cross my heart and swear to die they are 100% real!

I’m not one of those super secretive influencers who refuses to reveal her secrets. I think every girl should, and is able to, have a body like mine. So I’m going to tell you the one thing that gave me this body. Usually I’d ask you to join my online class to learn more, but today I’m feeling extra generous. Come close. Are you ready? The secret is…coconut oil.

Yes, you heard me. I said coconut oil!

“Impossible,” you’re probably thinking. But let me tell you how an easily attainable ingredient became crucial in my recipe for success and weight loss.

In the morning I’d wake up and do 30 minutes of intense cardio. I, like you, don’t have time to go out, so I just hire a personal trainer. But you can use online videos too! Try my 12-week flab-buster series. It’s like having my voice in your ear, encouraging you to meet the societal exceptions of female beauty every time you do a squat. In case you didn’t know, someone incessantly saying, “You’re not good enough,” is an important element for any weight loss plan.

Following that workout I mix some coconut oil into a glass of warm water. It just, like, burns the calories from my body! I swear one time I actually saw an ab instantly pop out right after I drank the stuff.

Then I spend the morning making videos, posts, while intermittently power-walking on my treadmill desk. I love it. It keeps my legs and mind moving so I don’t stop to think about whether the people in my life like me for me, or for my fame.

For lunch I eat 4 tablespoons of coconut oil along with a fresh green salad and 11 nuts. Then I go on a power-walk for an hour. Increasing my heart-rate really helps the oil work its way into body and kick out those fat cells. If I didn’t have coconut oil all that movement would have been useless. I strongly suggest you buy my new personal brand of coconut oil. It is basically the same as all the other brands, but it’s got my face on it. This will encourage you to be a better version of yourself in a way that no 7-times cheaper jar can. Soon you too will be able to work out when you’re tired, and smile when you want to cry.

After I finish up at the office, I go to the gym and swim for an hour before heading home to drink another cup of coconut oil-water and eat some skinless chicken with veggies. That bit of protein is important because it helps the coconut oil get into my brain where it makes me afraid to eat anything else lest I gain an ounce and cause all of my sponsors to abandon me.

Oh man, it’s already working. No way would I eat that ice cream now. I told you! Coconut oil is the best.

Jane Austen’s Wastebasket

Humor inspired by the literature, history, and other non-lucrative college courses

Kyrie Gray

Written by

Writer, illustrator, and sometimes funny person.

Jane Austen’s Wastebasket

Humor inspired by the literature, history, and other non-lucrative college courses

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