Dionysus’ 2020 Year-End Cocktail List for Your Stay-at-Home Bacchanal

Party Solo and Party Safe!

tipping a glass to you for making it through 2020!

Written by Caitlin Kunkel and Erica Lies

Hey there sluts, ragers, and boozehounds, it’s Dionysus, God of the Vine and Party Boi Supreme. Look, I love nothing more than partying hardy as the god of wine and ecstasy (the feeling AND the pill), and I definitely miss retreating to the mountains with my followers to drink ourselves to madness and create frenzied pleasure chaos. But now that many essential demi-deities, like Cupid, are Covi-posi, I finally understand how dangerous this thing is. (Well, not for me, I’m immortal! But I’m staying in Mount Olympus out of solidarity.)

So, it’s my turn to make an offering to you, my beloved humans — I give you my unedited divine cocktail elixirs. I beg you to use these to throw your own solo bacchanal and to Please Stay Home this New Year’s Eve:

Tequila Sunset-at-4:30pm

• Start with between 1 and 40 oz. tequila, corresponding with the number of unmasked nymphs your neighbor currently has over for her “socially distanced” New Year’s party.
• Add ¾ cup of the orange juice that was “accidentally” sent with your grocery delivery instead of milk (goddamn Hermes and his pranks!).