Greek Myths Rewritten For Modern Times

If Homer were a Hipster

Athena Leans in

Athena prides herself on her weaving. When Arachne, a mere mortal, claims to be the true master-weaver, Athena accepts the challenge. Athena is shocked when the human is declared the winner. For a second Athena considers changing Arachne into a spider for some good old-fashioned ironic punishment.

But then she remembers that women are often taught to compete against other women instead being supportive. So Athena congratulates Arachne and the two become great friends and, eventually, business partners who use their skills to disrupt the male-dominated tapestry market.

Hera deals with Zeus

Hera, realizing that her husband’s victims are not to blame for Zeus’ actions, decides she is not going to destroy them. She gathers the women together and they produce a piece of investigative journalism that becomes viral throughout the Greek world.

Zeus is forced to resign and Hera takes his place. Learning from past mistakes, she creates guidelines to keep powerful gods from taking advantage of those who worship them.

The golden apple contest

Hera, Athena, and Aphrodite raise their voices above each other, promising t Paris different rewards if only he names them, the most beautiful. Aphrodite has a revelation tells the other women to stop.

“We are fighting over a golden apple an doubt to destroy our friendship just to get external validation of our beauty. That’s just dumb.” The other two nod in agreement. Then the three go off together for a day of self-care and bonding. Because of this Helen isn’t given to Paris and Troy does not fall.

Medea embraces divorce

Medea decides to let her husband marry the princess without a fight. He never supported her anyway. She acquires a great lawyer to manage the divorce settlement.

With split custody, child support payments, and the Argo, Medea is secure. Looking for a community, she starts a blog chronicling her adventures, breaking the stigma against divorced women.

Artemis release social media hounds

When Artemis discovers Actaeon is spying on her while she baths, she quickly snaps a photo of him. She posts the pic of the peeping Tom along with the details of his behavior. Actaeon is ripped apart, not by his hounds, but by public opinion.