Help! My Boyfriend Only Loves the Colonial Era Version of Me
Am I too modern for my man?
Dear Ann Landers:
My boyfriend Tom and I have been together for two blissful years. But ever since what was supposed to be a romantic trip to Colonial Williamsburg, I’ve sensed a change in him.
Sometimes, I hear him muttering something like, “Your blacksmithing days will end soon, Elias, you chuffy bastard” in his sleep. Moreover, when I came home from work the other day, the bedroom door was locked, and I distinctly heard him crying out, “Churn the butter! Churn the butter!” I also heard the faint sound of rustling, and when he unlocked the door, nobody else was inside. I could see a bonnet tied around his neck, though.
Recently, Tom suggested cosplay. We haven’t incorporated this into our bedroom activities previously, but I agreed that it might be a fun way to spice up our dwindling sex life. I told Tom to pick up something special for me, expecting a schoolgirl or French maid outfit. Imagine my surprise when he presented me with linen undergarments, a full stay, three layers of woolen petticoats, and a quilted gown.
I thought, perhaps, that he wanted to bundle me up before undressing me. He lit an array of tallow candles and donned a gray wig. I was really getting in the mood! But then, he…
