How to Irritate People While Searching for Your AirPods
10 tried and true steps to make everyone despise you and your AirPods
Step 1
Call them earpods, not AirPods.
Step 2
When you are done listening to your music or podcast, take one AirPod out and lay it on a surface in your household/workspace. Do not put it in its case. You may need it later, and you do not want to know where it is.
Step 3
Later that day, ask your partner/roommate/coworker, “Did you move my earpod?” They will ask, “Your AirPods?” You say, “No, my earpod. Just the right one. I left it here on the counter/table/desk/stovetop.” They will inhale through their nose and say, “You left one AirPod on the counter/table/desk/stovetop, not in its case?” And you say, “Of course.”
Step 4
Never store your AirPod case in the same place twice. This will ensure you rarely know where it is. Some ideas to get you started: on your dining room table, in your car’s glove compartment, under your couch cushion, in your roommate’s raincoat pocket, under your duvet, in the side pocket of your reusable grocery bag, on top of your spare toilet roll that you keep next to the toilet, in your child’s lunchbox, under an unused doggie bag in your garage, next to your running shoes #habitstacking.
Step 5
Twice a day, ask your partner/roommate/coworker, “Have you seen my earpods?” They will ask, “Did you leave one AirPod on the counter again?” You say “No, I keep my earpods in my case.” They will say, “I did not touch your AirPods.” You say, “I’m not accusing you of touching them. I just asked if you’ve seen them.” They will inhale with even more velocity through their nose and say, “No, I haven’t seen them.” Then you say, “They are white and look like this,” and you hold up their AirPods. “Those are my AirPods and I’ve been looking for them!” they will say. And you respond, “I know, you left them lying around on your desk and I didn’t want you to lose them.”
Step 6
Look for your AirPods with a fervor that disturbs the entire home/workplace, but refuse all help during the search. Your one-word mantra as you walk from suspected location to suspected location should be “tornado”.
Step 7
Whenever you eventually find your AirPods, ask the room, “Who put my earpods here?” Repeat the question again, like this, “Who put my EARPODS here?” Repeat the question for a final time, like this, “WHO. PUT. MY. EARPODS here?”
Step 8
Hide your AirPods under your partner’s/roommate’s/coworker’s pillow/desk. This is best done when your partner/roommate/coworker is asleep/in deep work.
Step 9
Open the “Find My” app on your iPhone and select ”AirPods”>”Play Sound”.
Step 10
Rush to the source of the “Ping Ping Ping Ping Ping-Ping” and ask your partner/roommate/coworker, “Why did you take my earpods?”
If you don’t have AirPods, I suggest your ownership of an android will irritate people just fine enough.
