I Am The Perfect Soft Serve Swirl And You Don’t Deserve Me
I am not only a treat for your eyes, but also a treat for your mouth!
You begged that poor ice cream artisan to make the perfect swirl. That’s how you scored exclusive access to the trendiest and most expensive soft serve on the planet: me.
Though you’re accustomed to giving orders, get used to taking orders. Stop letting me melt while you photograph me. If you insist on Snapchatting me without my permission, at least have the decency to use a glittery filter. While you need a filter to wear a crown, I come with my own mini diamond-encrusted tiara.
Do you know who I am? I’m a mixture of organic matcha and activated charcoal. I’m trendy, but a little bit dangerous. Perhaps I will detox your body like my Arbonne sponsorship suggests. Or, maybe I’ll unleash a fiery havoc on your internal organs. I won’t follow up with a Q&A, so you’ll have to find out for yourself.
My layers are even sections of green and gray in perfect symmetry. I should be featured in an exhibit at the Museum of Ice Cream. But no, I’m stuck with a wannabe influencer at an exquisite boutique creamery. We both know you’re here to indulge in my popularity, not my delectable burnt-lawn-clippings flavor.
