Ignatius J. Reilly Updates His LinkedIn

The self-fellatio that occurs on this webpage should be criminalized at once

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Man is the measure of all things. 🎯

I am writing with bags under my eyes thanks, in part, to the transient renters whose constant comings and goings interrupt my fleeting tranquility. I hope the fat cats at Airbnb are pleased to know the degenerates partied until midnight on a Sunday. They clearly had no respect for those with #Responsibilities during the week. How am I suppose to find employment in conditions like these?

✍️ The Journal of a Working Boy has been coming along rather nicely due to my recent unemployment. I have been unceremoniously locked out of my DoorDash delivery account after what the capitalistic pigs at headquarters deemed to be suspicious activity. I suppose working your dashers to the bone while in the company of delicious food is good business practice. I say, in this modern #GigEconomy one must take liberties before they take you.

I have resigned myself into making a LinkedIn account after it became evident that all the available high-paying positions required such smut. My god! The self-fellatio that occurs on this webpage should be criminalized at once. #Boethius himself couldn’t even say such things. Despite my misgivings I constructed this…