I’m the Manager of That Specialty Store and Even I Don’t Know How We’re Still in Business

It’s one of life’s great mysteries

Image licensed in Canva, edited by author

Hiya, gang! Marty here, from the Gingham Wing-Backed Chairs Emporium.

I keep hearing a lot of chatter about how folks aren’t sure how we’re still in business, what with only selling gingham wing-backed chairs and all. And do you know what? Your guess is as good as mine!

You’d think a store that only sells uncomfortable, egregiously overpriced chairs would only cater to a tiny clientele. There’s no way there are enough people in a 50-mile radius who have a need for such a chair (or want, let’s be honest).

I had the same concerns when I inherited this store from my father and his father before him. Yet here we are, the third generation of sellers of niche furniture. And have you ever sat in one of our chairs? They’re horrendous! The gingham, along with being a complete eyesore and not matching any decor known to man, is itchier than a mutt with fleas.

Seriously, I tried to sit on one once as a kid and ended up with a rash for a week. Never made that mistake again.

So who buys our chairs, anyway? I’m not sure! I’ve never had a single customer enter this place. Unless you count the gentleman who stumbled in one morning, mumbling something about the mothership and reeking of fermented berries. He was interesting. Not a buyer though, unfortunately.

Even he wouldn’t sit in one of our chairs, and that’s saying something.

So what do I do all day while I await the arrival of someone who surely loves these chairs (how else could we still be in business)? Mostly, I walk around, hands clasped behind my back, looking very important. Very busy. Don’t I look busy when you walk by and peer in the windows?

By the way, I do see you walk by, and I hear you, too. You see, I’ve got cameras installed outside, and when I watch the live feed from the back storeroom each night, I listen to the things you say. Which are, frankly, hurtful. Is there a reason you must comment on the lack of customers every single time you walk by? Why you must always nudge whoever you’re with and whisper, “How do places like that even stay in business? It must be…