Is Somebody Gonna Match My Freak, Or Am I Doing This Tablescape Alone?

The lonely art of tablescaping in a world full of cavemen

Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

I am a woman of desires and demands, and I deserve nothing less than what I want. So when I say I want a partner who understands that the dining table is not just a piece of furniture, I’m dead serious.

Let me tell you, the dining table is a canvas, a stage, a sacred altar of visual pleasure and artistic devotion.

To me, tablescaping should not be a solitary act; it should be a shared journey—an intimate duet between consenting adults. There’s something magical about crafting art together — the giggles as we untangle fairy lights, the stolen glances over perfectly symmetrical pinecones, the spirited debates about whether eucalyptus truly is “too basic” this year.

Picture this: two people connecting, not just romantically but artistically, as we embark on a journey of creativity. Together, we will bond over floral arrangements and frosted greenery, clearing away any doubts about whether we have chemistry. Spoiler Alert: We absolutely will, and it’s going to be intense.

And yet, here I sit, alone, surrounded by charger plates, stemware, and an unnecessarily large collection of candleholders, my fist raised to the heavens.