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Jesus Christ! They’re Just Baby Shoes! Stop Overanalyzing My Very Simple Ad

Sometimes a shoe is just a shoe

Kyrie Gray
May 6, 2019 · 2 min read

Recently I posted this simple advertisement on Craigslist. “Baby shoes for sale, never worn.”

The internet blew it up.

Why are you all making a big deal of this? I’m just selling some brand new infant shoes.

I was trying to do something nice, sell some unused baby shoes at a very low price. But suddenly I’m the center of all these think pieces, theories, and spinoffs. But no more. This has to stop.I’m not going to substantiate any of your theories.

BUT a word to those of you who keep asking me, “Did you lose the baby?”

WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!

Even if that were the case, you would be asking the worst question possible to a probably bereaved individual. Congratulations if dredging up painful memories is an easy price to pay in order to satisfy your ego. Maybe go read something substantial and stop over-interpreting 6 words on Craigslist.

And to those of you who say I’m being defensive and could have explained myself in more detail let me remind you that it’s the internet. Brevity is key. But since you might still find this long explanation of my innocent intentions too brief, feel free to read the updated ad below.

For Sale: baby shoes, never worn. They are literally still in the box. I was at Macy’s and I had to add something to my purchase to get the 50% off deal. The cheapest thing within reaching distance was a pair of pink wool baby shoes. So I grabbed them and got a wool sweater for half the price. Score! I don’t have a baby and didn’t want the shoes, but also didn’t want to just give them away without trying to get back some of the $20 I spent on them. Sorry if this not a sad and depressing tale that you wanted to share with your friends at brunch. But if you like this truth, and need cheap good quality baby shoes, please get in touch.


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*The above post was inspired by a Hemingway short story.

Jane Austen’s Wastebasket

Humor inspired by the literature, history, and other non-lucrative college courses

Kyrie Gray

Written by

Freelancer, comedian, and illustrator. Writes humor, practical advice, and about life. Check out Jane Austen’s Wastebasket for most of my funny scribbles.

Jane Austen’s Wastebasket

Humor inspired by the literature, history, and other non-lucrative college courses

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