Photo by Jennifer Regnier on Unsplash

Conversation With The Woman Who Only Wears Her Boyfriend’s Oversized Shirt

“If I don’t smell like him, how will other women know I’ve won?”

Kyrie Gray
May 22 · 2 min read

Hey! I’m glad we finally had time to meet up. It’s been forever!

Oh, this old thing? It’s actually not mine. It belongs to my boyfriend. You remember him? That guy I cancelled our plans for last week? It just couldn’t be helped. You never know when a “let’s watch movie at mine” will turn into a proposal.

Yes, I have my own shirts, several in fact. But I was just missing him so much! When I saw he’d left his shirt on the floor I thought, “I want to smell like him all day.”

I mean, of course it’s clean. He only wore it a few times since laundry day.

And a man’s white shirt is like a cast iron skillet. You don’t want to clean it too often. It has to have a bit of grime to give it character.

If I wanted to smell laundry soap, I’d wear my own clothes. I’m wearing this oversized man’s shirt so I smell like HIM. How else will other men know I belong to another?

Pardon me, but I think you’re jealous. There you are, sitting in your own clothes, thinking it says, “put together” when it really says, “I’m so alone.”

Sure, you say you have a boyfriend. Anyone can say that. But where’s your proof?

You smell of lavender. I smell like sweat, sex, and fear of commitment. This isn’t just a shirt; it’s a jersey, to show I’m on a team. I couldn’t imagine being selfish enough to demand my own identity, let alone my own white-collared shirt.


Jane Austen’s Wastebasket

Humor inspired by the literature, history, and other non-lucrative college courses

Kyrie Gray

Written by

Freelancer, comedian, and illustrator. Writes humor, practical advice, and about life. Check out Jane Austen’s Wastebasket for most of my funny scribbles.

Jane Austen’s Wastebasket

Humor inspired by the literature, history, and other non-lucrative college courses