My Name is Charles Dickens. I’m Not Being Vulgar.
The esteemed author defends himself against obscenity charges
I’m telling you, my name — and that of my father and my father’s father — is Dickens! Do you really think an author of my prodigious talent and imagination would stoop to such shameful depths to make a joke about the male appendage? The very idea is a fallacy… I said no such thing! Clearly, you’re the one with phallus on the brain. I insist you withdraw these claims of public indecency at once.
Oh, I see you won’t listen to reason. Do you know the trouble with you lot? You get the tiniest taste of authority and suddenly you’re doling out punishment simply because you can. I worked for several years as a law clerk and court reporter, and I won’t stand for your flagrant abuse of the penal code… That word most assuredly does not mean what you think it means.
The sheer impudence: telling me my writing, nay my very name, is offensive. I don’t see you hounding Hardy and Trollope over their suggestive surnames. You’re lucky I don’t throw you out of my house this very instant. But my solicitor is on the way, and I’m certain he’ll set matters right. Why don’t we play a little game while we wait? I defy you to open any one of my publications at random and locate something truly obscene — something that would bring a…
