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Official Handbook for Navigating My Grandfather’s Tool Shed of Oddly Specific Warnings
Where everything is exactly where it should be, whether you understand it or not
Welcome to my grandfather’s tool shed, a sacred repository of rusty implements, mysterious jars, and wisdom that hasn’t been updated since 1978. Please review this handbook thoroughly before entry, as I cannot be held responsible for the psychological damage that comes from improperly handling his socket wrench collection or, God forbid, moving anything from its designated spot.
Section 1: General Orientation
The shed operates under Grandpa’s Standard Time, which means all tools exist simultaneously in the present day and 1962. Do not attempt to reconcile these temporal inconsistencies.
Upon entering, you will be greeted by the distinct aroma of WD-40, mothballs, and what Grandpa calls “real wood, not that particle board garbage.” Inhale deeply. This is how a man’s workspace is supposed to smell, he’ll tell you, whether you asked or not.
Under no circumstances should you comment on the organization system. What appears to be chaos is actually a complex arrangement based on “the way it’s always been” and “where things belong.” The hammer that…
