Our Healthcare Plan is Simple, Just Don’t Get Sick
We’re in this together (unless you need an ambulance)
As the CEO of MediGreed Insurance, I couldn’t be prouder of our commitment to healthcare equality. In an industry rife with discrimination against shareholder value, we stand as a beacon of progress and innovation. Our revolutionary approach ensures that every policyholder receives the least amount of care possible to keep them alive enough to continue making payments.
In an ambitious stride toward futuristic healthcare, we’re thrilled to unveil our Preventative Care Package. Gold-level members will have exclusive access to our assortment of placebo treatments, brilliantly disguised as the next pharmaceutical breakthrough. Swallow a sugar pill guaranteed to make you feel better about having asthma, or hydrate with our special vitamin water, which has a good chance of just being regular water.
If you’re suffering from an entirely new form of depression discovered between 2:34am and 2:35am under a full moon, and you have no preexisting inclination to breathe oxygen, you may qualify for a generous discount on our mental health support package. It’s a stress ball. Backed by extensive research demonstrating the remarkable efficacy of stress balls in reducing expenditures, we assure you that this medical marvel do wonders for…
