Realistic Valentine’s Day Movies Where the Woman Doesn’t Get the Guy in the End
3 pitches for 3 different movie categories that all end in the final words she didn’t want to hear
Category One: “Like a Sister”
1. Attractive man in a coma falls in love with an exotic nurse. After he recovers, he has amnesia. The nurse tries to reenact the conversation in which they both confessed their love. But, the attractive man looks at the nurse blankly and tells her he cannot be in love with her because she looks just like his sister.
2. Two people who love plants meet at a community garden. The man shares his secret compost with the woman, and in four weeks, her tomatoes thrive. Every weekend, they sample each other’s vegetables and adjust one another’s sun hats. When the woman asks the man to dinner one night, he says that they are just garden friends, and that it’s too weird to think of her romantically. To be sure, he sleeps with her. Afterwards, he says “Sleeping with you is like sleeping with my sister.”
3. New co-workers hate each other at first, then work on a project together and fall in love. She gets promoted to his boss, he says he thinks of her more as a sister now.
Category Two: “Not the Right Time/Wish I’d Met You Earlier or Later/I’m Not Ready”
1. Two law students get the same internship; he’s a strict student type, she’s a party girl hiding her smarts. Despite their differences, they fall in love. At the end of the internship, she is excited to go back to school together. He says he’s not ready for a romance with someone who parties even though she’s smart. She confronts him at the library, and after he says goodbye forever, he puts a law book back on the shelf and leaves.
2. Cat with a great sense of people jumps from his quirky owner’s arm, and out the window of a cool NYC apartment. The owner runs down the street calling for the cat, who is being held by a very cute chef who has just finished work but kept his jacket and chef hat on. The couple spends six glorious weeks together, including the cat on many of their adventures. One day, the chef is told by his boss that his knife work is suffering because of the romance. The chef tells the woman that it’s not the right time for their relationship. The cat hisses at the chef.
3. Son of a peasant in the 1800s falls in love with a time-traveling woman from 2013. She takes him back to her century where he struggles to fit in. After they have 2013 sex, he realizes he has to go back to his family and he says he wishes he’d met her earlier. Or, later. Basically, at any other time.
Category Three: “You’re Going to Make Some Other Guy The Happiest There Is On Earth”
1. Corporate Vice-President man who wears a trenchcoat in the fall waves at a street woman every day on his way to the office. After a few years, he starts bringing her a cup of coffee. Later, he takes her out for dinner on Friday nights. However, good-looking co-workers set him up with Simone, a beautiful and successful business woman. The man avoids the street woman for months until they run into each other and she asks the man why he hasn’t taken her to get a makeover or something. The man confesses about Simone. He weeps as he walks away from the street woman’s awning, telling her one day she’ll make some other guy the happiest there is on earth.
2. Handyman falls in love with a lonely British actress who is staying at a large mansion in Malibu. They fall in love, and she dreams of moving back to her mother land with him, living in riches. She retires as a famous actress, but the handyman tells her he can’t go with her to England. He says he’s not ready to quit being a Malibu handyman, but that she’s amazing, and one day will make some other guy the happiest there is on earth.
3. Alien man comes down from a bizarre planet and wanders into a boutique coffee shop owned by a shy but beautiful woman. He learns English, and the woman takes him to a clothing store. The once horrible-looking alien man now passes for a humbly-gorgeous human. They are having a great time, but he misses his home planet. On a bridge leading to his spaceship one night, the alien tells her he has to return back to Planet Alpha, and he kisses her hand before telling her that one day, she’ll make some other guy the happiest there is on earth.
