Reminder From Your Gym: Women’s Navels Should Remain Covered

But men’s tank tops without sides are still OK

Image licensed from Unsplash, edited in Canva

Dear Valued Gym Member,

We’d like to take this opportunity to remind everyone of our rules concerning appropriate gym attire. Our gym does not allow crop tops, sports bras as tops, or any other item of clothing that reveals the female navel.

These are the same rules we’ve always had in place, but we’ve noticed an uptick in certain members not following them. We’re hoping most of you simply haven’t seen this important guideline (despite its numerous postings throughout the facility) and aren’t flagrantly breaking it.

The majority of you are, we’re sure, classy women who would never dream of revealing such a suggestive body part, but we’re sending this warning to everyone. It’s imperative to remember that a glimpse of your umbilical scar can distract an exercising man and lead to hazardous consequences.

Won’t you feel terrible if the man across the room catches a glimpse of your innie or outie and swings the kettlebell into someone’s rib cage? Will you ever get over it if your navel piercing decides to play peek-a-boo with some unsuspecting Y-chromosome bearer who drops the barbell he’s benching onto his throat, crushing his windpipe? Could you ever really live with…