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Reverse Bad Luck Before It Destroys Your Writing Career

Bad omens for writers

Kyrie Gray
Mar 25 · 4 min read

If you’ve ever broken a mirror then you know 7 years of bad luck is headed your way. Bad omens are everywhere in the world, ready to cause the unsuspecting human misfortune. Yet for writers, the chances of bad luck are doubled. To keep safe, aspiring writers should learn to recognize bad omens and dispel the bad luck before it has a chance to take hold.

Bad luck omen: Passing a sign lacking proper punctuation at night means you will make a fatal grammatical error in your next query letter.

How to reverse: Throw a pencil over your left shoulder and keep walking. The bad grammar will stay with the lead. If for some reason you prefer to only write on your computer then I’m sorry, you must toss that device instead of a pencil. Before you feel too bad remember that some morons prefer to write on their phones.

Bad luck omen: While typing a key on your keyboard becomes jammed. If that jammed key is a letter then that first letter is the first initial of a future piece of yours that is doomed to go unnoticed by publishers.

How to reverse: Best not take any chances. To save your manuscript grab a can of compressed air and place a pen on your computer. Use the air to make the pen spin in one direction for about 30 seconds. When the pen stops see what object it is pointing at and then bury that object in the yard beneath a tree. Your work is now safe. Though it should be noted that if the pen points at a living creature, you should spin again. Burying your pet or child will result in more bad luck. And prison.

Bad luck omen: If a cute baby giggles from somewhere in the café where you are painstakingly writing then you are in for a rough time. That baby’s laughter is a harbinger of critic’s laughter at your efforts to come.

How to reverse: Take that beverage you’ve been nursing for 6 hours and spill some onto the table. Swirl your pinky finger around in the liquid while chanting 3 times, “Like water off a duck, I will not give a fu*&.” Should you prefer not to curse just quack loudly. It is important not to say the version with the curse word too loudlyy if the baby is near. You are bringing trouble upon yourself if you make their parent angry.

Bad luck omen: If you break a book’s spine you will have no new ideas for 7 years.

How to reverse: Take the book and peel the pages away from the broken spine. Then with a needle, yarn, and patience create a makeshift binding for the book. As the thread weaves in and out of the pages, your ideas too will be bound safely in your creative brain.

Note: If this is a library book you will be required to pay a fee, otherwise the cure will not work. Librarians know where all the arcane books are kept and they will put far greater curse on you if you cross them.

Bad luck omen: When you spill coffee on your computer you will lose all your work.

How to reverse: Get to a repair shop! There are no spells for this. The best thing to do is always backup your work and keep liquid away from your main writing device.

Bad luck omen: If your post about writing gets a reply exactly at midnight then there is a good chance that your writing will be plagiarized within a year and a day.

How to reverse: Take your unused fancy notebooks and use them to create a circle of supple leather around you. Sit in the circle and write all of your ideas on regular ruled paper from a cheap composition notebook. Do not try to use a fancy one. You will not want to ruin it with your words and will fail to get all your ideas out.

Do this for an hour and then take the paper you’ve written on and crumple it all into a ball. Light it on fire or throw it down a well. Basically, get rid of it. Now your ideas are protected from plagiarists.

Jane Austen’s Wastebasket

Humor inspired by the literature, history, and other…

Kyrie Gray

Written by

Writer, illustrator, and sometimes funny person.

Jane Austen’s Wastebasket

Humor inspired by the literature, history, and other non-lucrative college courses

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