“Seeking: Goat Share” & Other Failed Personal Ads
Ads that didn’t quite work out
Seeking: Goat Share
You: a semi-reasonable adult, who lives within a ten-mile radius of my home, in possession of a goat. Preferably one of the cute ones. Preferably one that doesn’t faint when startled. Or maybe one that does. I’ll trust your judgement.
Me: a homeowner who has random, oddly-shaped patches of grass that grow a lot in a short amount of time who no longer wants to mow the lawn.
You bring the goat. I’ll bring the camera to take pictures of me with the goat.
Bonus if the animal is down for petting zoo time or goat yoga.
Seeking: Baby to Snuggle
You: a parent to a little teeny bundle of a newborn with that newborn head smell who will be too tired to judge me or my child for being barefoot.
Me: a parent whose 4-year-old mostly punches her and runs away, a parent who wants to cuddle an infant who cannot say, “You’re not my real mom.”
You bring the baby. I will return it to you after five minutes and experience relief at no longer having to change diapers or be forced to limp from the stitches in my vagina.
